Jenny and Erin

Have you ever wondered what the deal is with North American football fans and their dogged devotion to their team? Do you puzzle over their crazy outfits, custom painted automobiles, carefully applied body paint and sincere belief that congregating weekly to watch the games, while eating, drinking and yelling will actually impact the outcome? I urge you to suspend any preconceived notions as we examine football fans.

Some people say these fans are crazy. I offer an alternative explanation - as some of these fans are my relatives - rather than being crazy, maybe they are actually a group of Americans unknowingly involved in ancient and mysterious pagan rituals. (Now that I say this, I don’t know if they would rather be labeled crazy or practicing pagans!) This may seem like an outlandish statement, and I, like you, may have dismissively laughed at these words a year ago. However, after examining mounting evidence (via Jenny), I have started wondering.

So, I ask, are pagan traditions finding their way back into our culture? Are old gods and goddesses rising up from the depth of our beings and culture? Is it possible to be a practicing pagan and not even know it? If so, one of the easiest ways to do so would be in a large group of similarly minded people whom cloak their practices. For example, let’s examine an North American football game:

• Special attire. Specialized clothing and very culturally specific clothing is worn to football events. This is akin to wearing one’s Sunday best, only a little stranger. How else can you explain this?;
• Standard time and place of worship. Most games are on Sundays (coincidence? I think not) and attendance is usually at a stadium, bar or one’s living room;
• Ritualized behaviors and songs. There definately is ritualized behavior by football fans. Can you think of any other reason your husband would wear the same socks, refusing to wash them, for every single game? Further, most fans know at least a few songs to cheer on “their” team;
• Dieties to worship and revere. It is fair to say the athletes are considered pretty close to gods by many;
• Consumption of magic food and drink. Mass consumption of beer, brats and burgers definately count here. The beer especially, putting one in an alternate state;
• Pilgrimages. It is common place and very well respected to take cross country trips to watch “their” deities fight yours; and
• True Believers. Die hard fans, as opposed to fair weather fans, definately are the more respected crowd.

In summary, typical to many pagan activities, everyone before the ritual “worship”, if you will, wears special clothings and consumes mind altering beverages immediately before the game. By immediate, I am talking about right at their cars in the parking lot. Many “fans” even arrive before the sunrise to start this drinking. And they typically eat a little cow meat to get them ready. So I ask you, sports fanatics or members of an ever growing cult - the cult of the cow?

I urge you to have a few laughs, and some scratch you head moments, by reading some other explorations of Pagan America, including definitions of magic food and drink and examples of cow (and bull) worship. You can find all of this in the Pagan American Series.

I recently read that another cow tested positive for Mad Cow Disease in the United States. Then yesterday I got stuck in a long line behind two people convinced that a recent tornado that destroyed a town was a punishment from God for wrongs committed by the people of that town. Well, when I’m bored my mind goes crazy places; I thought I’d take you along for the ride…

I started pondering just how common it is in religious thinking to feel like God or the gods are watching us with a big old checklist recording all the wrongs and getting ready to hand out punishments. You could use this thinking to explain your flat tire in relation to the mean thing you said to a neighbor last week, or to explain that another person is doing poorly because they angered God, therefore, although sad, they must need to learn a lesson. To me this thinking becomes especially dangerous when it is used to explain away (even if only said secretly to oneself) people’s pain or to justify ones own position.

What if we take this train of thought and flip it just a bit? Follow it and look at it from the perspective of pagans who worship the Cult of the Cow (Audhulma, Apis or so forth) in contemporary USA. If you’ve been reading the Pagan America Series you’ll be familiar with these two and their interesting linkages to Christianity, if not click here and here.

What would it look like if these ‘holy cows’ were punishing us for our wrongs? Would Mad Cow Disease indicate that the cow god Audhulma is really, really mad? Would lactose intolerant people be whispered about behind their backs as getting their “just dessert” for sins they must be committing? Could that beating you (or your company) are taking in the stock market be because the divine bull god Apis of the curiously named bull market has left your side, leaving you to fight that mean old bear market alone? Would your life be full of “bullshit” because your worship practices leave a bit to be desired?

Sounds silly, huh? All I’m saying is it’s a big world out there with lots and lots of theologies floating around. Maybe God or the gods (or whatever you believe) isn’t all that interested in punishing us for every little transgression, instead what happens day-to-day is the reward or punishment for the choices we make. But hey, maybe not.

The Pagan America Series is being written in the spirit of fun. However, this post does contain adult themes and links that might be offensive to some readers.

This series began with a number of questions worth repeating, less I get too far off track. Is it possible to be a practicing pagan and not even know it? Can you be a religious Catholic or Lutheran and still worship the gods of your ancestors? Could your immigrant forefathers have done such a great job of hiding their worship from others that it was passed down without you, your parents or maybe even your grandparents being aware of its spiritual significance? Or are outpouring of “faith” just part of our genetic make-up as human beings?

In Wednesday’s post we talked about magic food and drinks, which are used in religions worldwide to either cultivate specific attributes in the believer or to transform them completely - if only for a short time. We also touched on the ancient religious groups and sects (usually referred to as pagans), that pop up again and again, who have worshiped both bulls and cows. For example, The Apis Bull worshiped by Egyptians resurfaced in early Christianity when Moses went to the Mount to get the Ten Commandments (Exodus 32:4) and Norse mythology speaks of a cow whose milk fed the first gods and nourished the world. In these mythologies the bull is strongly associated with sexual prowess, raw strength and power.

Is it possible, just maybe, for people intimately involved with and dependent upon cattle today to be pulled back by collective memories, some “faith” component of genetics or spiritual twinges to worship and try to incorporate this animal into their lives and spirituality? If so, one of the easiest ways to do this would be through magic food. And one of the safest places to do it would be in a large group of similarly minded people, say a festival.

Well, Rocky Mountain Oyster Festivals in the United States seem to fit the bill. And the people attending and partaking of the magic food? Well, they aren’t any self-described pagans; but they are however self-described real-life cowboys and cowgirls from all over the rural United States. They meet annually in a variety of locations, but the magic food (bull or calf testicles) and drink (alcohol) always remains the same. These festivals could easily and accurately be described as fertility festivals, what with all the consumption of testicles and alcohol the stage is set for some sacred rites to occur. Remember, we’re talking magic food here and the link between the testicles of a once full-grown, crazy acting, sex-seeking bull and the cowboy who wishes to be just that wild and the moral loosening and libido increasing magic of alcohol are strong. Individual festivals embrace the fertility aspect of the fun too lesser or greater degrees.

It’s often said that a picture is worth a thousand words and in this case I’d have to agree. From the accompanying photo galleries it is easy to see which festival just dabbles in the ancient fertility rites mentioned in this post and which embraces it wholeheartedly.

World Championship Rocky Mountain Oyster Festival
Throckmorton, Texas
When: Second weekend each May
Rating: PG-13, fun for the family

This festival definitely falls on the family fun side of things, featuring a variety of cooking contests including a tongue-in-cheek “Tastes Like Chicken” cook off. A quick look at the photo gallery shows moderate amounts of alcohol consumption and while I’d guess late at night you’d catch a little bit of debauchery happening, but not much.

The Testicle Festival
Clinton, Montana
When: August
Rating: X, Adults Only

The Testicle Festival aka the “Testy Festy” on the other hand probably one-ups any ancient fertility festival we could find. Held in August, this festival has a 25-year tradition of drinking and debauchery that are definitely on the list of things to do. In addition to lavish amounts of both magic food (over 5,500 pounds of bull testicles in 2006) and magic drink (the alcohol flows freely) consumption, they manage to fit in wet t-shirt contests, co-ed naked pool, lots of women flashing their breasts and although I can’t figure out why, women totally naked on stage. Needless to say, I’d caution you not to open their photo gallery at work.

At this point you might be wondering if I’m pulling your leg and whether or not fertility festivals really existed. Well, I’ll give you one such example called the Beltane Festival practiced by the Celts every spring. The Beltane Festival celebrated the return of life and fertility to the world after the long winter months. Huge bonfires were light on the eve of the festivals and their cattle (an animal considered sacred by the Celts) were ritualistically driven through the bonfires to protect them in the coming year. Mead (magic drink) was copiously consumed, there was Maypole dancing, jumping over fires for luck in finding a mate or for an easy delivery. All through the night it was common to see young people coupling up and participating in a socially acceptable practice called “going out Maying”, which involved leaving the safety and warmth of the fires and heading out into the dark to spend the night together in the countryside.

While not an exact match of the Testicle Festivals described in this post they do have many similar components. Can you really blame me for the questions?

In many parts of the United States cattlemen and farmers are essential to the local economy. The cattle they raise serve as daily reminders of life’s cycles; birth, mating and death. In Salem Sue, A Genesis Story I questioned whether it was possible that locals in rural North Dakota unknowingly tapped deep into ancestral memories, a time when the power of the cow and bull was worshiped and envied, and elevated the cow to deity. Well, it appears I may have stumbled onto something, something even bigger than I imagined. So, for the next two posts we are heading back to rural United States, from Montana to Texas, and a couple of places in-between.

To get you in the mood I thought some music might be in order. Click here if you’re game – the last verse is the best. (WARNING: this is LOUD, careful if you’re at work!).

We’re heading to where the cowboys roam. Places where a bull market matters less than the bull in the pasture. In Cattle Country the men can be found working cattle on the range, fixing fence, at a rodeo, having a drink or just generally raising hell. These cowboys work hard, play harder and don’t take bullshit from anybody. Why are we going there? Because where you find cowboys and the girls who love ‘em, you will find the cattle. It is here you will catch a glimpse of living, breathing paganism in America.

You’re not going to find an exhaustive list of cults of the bull here, or the divinity of the cow that was touched on in Salem Sue, A Genesis Story. However, if you’re interested a run to the library or a Google search is all you need…The Cult of Apis, the rather sexual nature of Europa (a truly lovely Greek goddess who is most often pictured riding around naked on the back of a great white bull), or the Buchis Bull. They exist and have existed for a very, very long time. The bull gods represent virility, strength and power. What could be more attractive to the cowboy than the raw strength and sexual prowess of a full-grown bull?

So how do cowboys tie to paganism through the bull? Well, through ritualized eating and drinking, of course! In most religions it is believed that through ceremonial eating and drinking power can pass from the god to the practitioner, imparting some of the attributes of the god they worship. Wine, mead, or ale is often drunk to help the worshippers attain an altered state (loosening their inhibitions) both in preparation of and necessary to the transformation they will momentarily undergo.

Any guesses where this one going? That’s right; Rocky Mountain Oysters - aka Montana tender groin, cowboy caviar, critter fritters, swinging beef or in plain language the consumption of floured and fried bull balls. Less you disbelieve me click here for a recipe. Okay, you’re saying as you laugh, funny but you need more than a silly internet recipe and some conjecture to convince me grown men are participating in pagan cults by eating bull balls in the hopes of gaining strength and sexual prowess.

Now that the balls are rolling (pun intended, sorry couldn’t help myself!), on Friday we’ll go on that trip across the country. I’ll show you a few rocky mountain oyster festivals ranging from the PG-rated, fun for the whole family, to the adults only X-rated festivals where debauchery rules. This includes a festival where over 5,000 pounds of Rocky Mountain Oysters were consumed over three days and a “tastes like chicken” bull testicle bake-off.

Bet you are expecting to read a whole bunch of mumbo-jumbo about the pagan origins of the Easter Holiday. Nope - boooring. Too many people have been there and done that. Besides, once one starts digging the “evidence” that gets trotted out every year as support is a pretty thin. Instead, I thought it would be fun to look at how other cultures celebrate the holiday after church services are done.

America has the bunny, eggs, family get-togethers and lots and lots of candy! True to my word I am not even going to touch on the time of year of Easter (spring equinox – just ripe for fertility rites), or the potential meaning behind bunnies (fertility symbol throughout the ages and many cultures), or the of eggs (hmmm, fertility symbolism again). Sorry, I promised. I just can’t help pointing out how random Easter eggs, stuffed pink or blue bunnies and candy are when you think of the holiday we are celebrating.

Here’s what’s happening for Easter in Europe, home of many American’s ancestors, after services in Christian communities:

• Norwegians celebrate Easter with mountain skiing and egg decorating, as well as sporting a national obsession with unsolved murders. This obsession takes many forms; the main TV channels run crime and whodunit shows, magazines print true-crime stories which the public is invited to try to solve and all of the milk containers have true murder mysteries on their sides.
• Finland and Sweden celebrate with a touch of the old pagan celebrations after services. In addition to painting Easter eggs, children are dressed up as witches and go door to door getting candy and giving decorated pussy willows. This mix comes from blending old Christian Orthodox beliefs in which one’s house can be blessed with willow branches and a Scandinavian witch tradition. To see some really cool postcards of this Easter tradition, click here.
• The Netherlands celebrate Easter at sundown by lighting Easter Fires. It seems very similar to massive early spring bonfires I’ve attended!
• And last, but certainly not least, those crazy Czech’s (and Hungarians and Slovenians) surprised me the most. On Easter Monday tradition has it that men weave whips from birch or willow branches and ribbons and spank or whip women (in the same tone as our birthday spankings to children) in exchange for an Easter egg, small amounts of money or alcohol! This custom is tied to a local legend that women should be spanked to keep their beauty throughout the year and feelings are hurt if no one chooses to whip you (same vein I imagine as not getting any Valentine’s Day cards). The women have their turn; in the afternoon they can pour a bucket of ice-cold water on any man.

There’s more, much, much more but it’s time to stop. Seriously, my head’s spinning. Who would have imagined? Easter = Whips? Unsolved murders? Children dressing like witches? Sunset bonfires? A giant bunny leaving baskets full of chocolates and candies and hiding eggs for children to find in an “egg hunt”?

Salem Sue, the world’s largest Holstein cow, sits atop a hill. This is not just any hill, for hills in North Dakota are rare. To be atop a hill means you can see and be seen for miles and miles in any direction. And if you are a 26 ft high and 46 ft long anatomically correct Holstein cow sitting atop a very steep hill you are not just seen - you are noticed.

In the 1970’s North Dakota’s agricultural economy was booming. Crops and cows were a huge part of the daily lives of these European transplants. Cows especially were a major source of year-round income, as well as food and teachers of life’s rhythms - birth, mating, and death. I vividly remember as a child the first time I saw people eat “rocky mountain oysters” (deep fried calf testicles) …whoops! I’m getting off track, let’s save that story for another day. Many farm families, or maybe it was their children, named their milking cows, knew their temperament, family history and cow-family members.

It was in the height of this boom that Salem Sue was erected in New Salem, North Dakota. Okay, let me out myself here, I love Salem Sue. No seriously, I am actually quite fond of her. I grew up in North Dakota and Salem Sue was on the route we traveled to visit my grandparents and I remember being told over and over as small children, “watch for the cow, when you see it, we’re halfway there”, oh, nothing was ever so eagerly anticipated as that first glimpse. As I’ve grown up – coming to visit from college and later just coming to visit I always feel a sense of place when I first spot Salem Sue far off in the distance – I know where I am and how far I have to go. It’s my fondness for Sue that first got me wondering, is it possible that the locals have in some way deified the cow? This is not as far fetched as it may seem. In fact, cow mythology is woven throughout history.

The majority of North Dakota’s early settlers hail from Germany and Norway both of which have creation myths featuring the cow. In Norse mythology Audhulma is a primordial cow who licked the ice off the first god Buri, grandfather of Odin, bringing him to life. The story continues that Audhulma’s milk is also responsible for warming and nourishing not only the first gods but the earth itself. WHAT?? I understand North Dakota’s current inhabitants are mostly practicing Christians, but are collective memories of Audhulma calling to them? Is she still powerful, still awe-inspiring and still being worshiped?

Even more intriguing could Audhulma be a not-so-distant relative of the gold calf of biblical times - the very same golden calf that threw the early Christians WAY off track? Remember when Moses went to the Mount for 40 days and 40 nights and came back with the Ten Commandments only to find that in his absence a statue of a golden calf had been created and was being worshiped? Check out Exodus 32:4. Biblical scholars point to several different possible cattle gods, as the one being worshipped in Moses’ absence but the most likely suspect is Apis, a bull deity, worshipped by the Egyptians of this region.

Hmmm, maybe there is more to these statues than we’re aware of. As I look, I find more matches between “tourist” statues and the beliefs of the pre-Christian European pagans such as the Celts and Druids. Although it would be easy to expand the search to look for cows in world mythologies, I want to go deeper, not broader, to find answers to the looming questions first posed in Exploring Pagan America. Click here to read the post.

Who knows, maybe I was raised a pagan and my parents didn’t even know it!