Jenny and Erin

I got a cat three weeks ago. Watching him adjust to his new surroundings and figure out the power dynamics of my home and my daily habits has been quite a learning experience. In fact, crazy as it may sound, I have found myself pondering how his experiences translate to the human experience.

King Teddy, yes this really is my cat’s name, is an interesting and curious fellow. This morning King Teddy snuggled up beside me as I worked on a post. I find close editing difficult to do on a computer screen and most often opt for the pen and paper approach. As I turned on the printer, fiddled with the toner and loaded the paper King Teddy watched me with passive curiosity. He raised an eyebrow, but barely lifted his head, figuring it was not of interest.

However, once I hit the print button everything changed. King Teddy’s ears perked up, whiskers started twitching and he was on his feet immediately. As the paper began shooting out of the printer he quickly made his way over to see what was going on. King Teddy didn’t bat the printer or paper, he didn’t try to stop the process, rather he observed attentively and obviously full of curiosity. Once the last page printed I removed the paper, keeping an amused eye on King Teddy all the while.

With the paper gone and only the quiet hum of my computer left it was time for King Teddy to start investigating. He peered into the paper tray, sniffed where he saw the paper exit and watched my actions for clues on how to relate to this new item. After all was quiet for a couple of minutes, King Teddy must have felt safe again as he made his way back over to his still warm resting spot, curled up and went back to relaxing.

His reactions intrigued me and I began thinking how similar they are to how we all relate to new things in our lives. Things that may have been there all along, but never drew our attention. Things outside of our usual expectations, or maybe different than what we thought their purpose or intent were. This may be a job, a friendship or even a way of viewing the world. It seems a great deal could be learned by watching how you react when one of these situations pops up.

King Teddy showed me a few different approaches that I recognized. First, fear. We can run and hide until it is over, until all has returned to normal, or maybe until we can just convince ourselves that it is back to normal - pretend nothing ever happened. Second, we can investigate. With alertness and curiosity making us bold. Or third, act aggressively. King Teddy could have chosen to attack the printer to “show it who is boss“ in the attempt to prove his place in the household power dynamics. Although hiding or aggression may come quickly, possibly naturally, neither truly allows us to understand the new and figure out how to work with or around it only a detached curiosity provides this.

Yes, King Teddy may only be a cat, but he is one smart cat, and watching him has provided me with a couple of light bulb moments. What more could want from the prince, er, King in their life?

Related Posts:
The Dog Ate My Homework
As American As Football and Apple Pie
Break Free

If you have been paying attention, it is no secret that Erin and I went missing for a few weeks. Vanished. Poof. The real mystery behind our sudden disappearance is just what it was that happened to us:

• Erin got hair extensions and botox and has been mistaken as Britney Spears. Thus, she has been VERY busy with the paparazzi. I have been overwhelmed fielding phone calls as to Britney’s, er Erin’s, whereabouts.
• I fell down a manhole and miraculously just emerged (Erin of course has been frantically searching) after three weeks without food or water.
• Unable to accept that the summer walking dare was not completed, Erin and I took off with new vigor and completed the remaining 390 miles, 628 kilometers, in three weeks and never complained once.
• I won $100 million in the lotto and have been completely overwhelmed meeting with lawyers, accountants and other such folk.
• Erin met a king named Teddy and quickly became enthralled with him. He moved in to her place and has not left. She has spent her days running her hands through his long hair.
• Erin and I got into a heated disagreement over what to title a post, flipped a coin for resolution and have been unable to post for several weeks. (We have to follow the coin rule yah know)…
• I was determined to be the first woman to walk solo across Canada. I didn’t make it very far as I not only forget my shoes , but my passport as well. Erin had to come and pick me up on her moped, which doesn’t travel over 35 miles per hour.
• Erin and I have been very, very busy watching the entire DVD collection of Star Trek The Next Generation and eating ice-cream while contemplating the future of humanity and laughing at the fashion.
• My shoes got stuck in double knots, I can’t get them untied and have been standing in my doorway ever since.

Seriously though, we are back and excited to pick up where we left off! Sorry about the delay!

Related Posts:
Ouch! Watch Us Self Destruct Otherwise Known as Walking the Sekatah State Trail
Keeping Perspective When You’ve Bitten Off More Than You Chew
Is Your Life a Grand Adventure or Death March

It appears this personal development list is the new black this season, thanks to Priscilla Palmer. If you are looking for a little (okay, a lot) of insight into becoming a better person, look no further. Enjoy!

Jenny and I would also like to add:

Armannd at Project Armannd

Personal Development List:
Aaron Potts at Today is That Day
Adam Alexander at Adam’s Peace
Adam Kayce at Monk at Work
Adam Khoo at Adam Khoo’s Philosophies and Investing Insights
AgentSully at Life Learning Today
Al at 7pproductions.com
Alan Torres at Made to Be Great
Alex Shalman at AlexShalman.com
Alexander Kjerulf at The Chief Happiness Officer
Alexys Fairfield at Unraveling The Spiritual Mystique
Albert Foong at urbanmonk.net
Albert Lee at My Journey to Living an Exceptional Life
Alvaro at Sharp Brains Blog
Amber at Amber Waves
Amber at Random Mangus
Amie Ragan at Psychology of Clutter
Amit Sodha at The Power of Choice
Amy Hedin at There is no Maximum to Human Potential
Andrea Learned at Learned on Women
Andrea J. Lee at Money, Meaning, and Beyond
Andrew Brunelle at Andrew Brunelle.com
Andy Wibbels at AndyWibbels.com
Anita Pathik Law at Power of Our Way
Anmol Mehta at AnmolMetha.com
Ann at A Nice Place in The Sun
Anna Farmery at The Engaging Brand
Antonio Thornton at AntonioThornton.com
April Groves at Making Life Work For You
Argancel at C’eclair (for those who speak french)
Ariane Benefit at Neat & Simple Living
Ash aka Mr. Biggs at One Powerful Word
Ashley Cecil at The Painting Activist
Ask Lucid at Ask Lucid Spiritual Development
BK Diva at Bklyn’s Finest
Barb Lattin at Feels Like Magic
Barb Melloh at The Law of Attraction Info
Barbara Curtis at Mommy Life
Barbara Sliter at Creatorship
Belle Wong at Abundance Journal
Ben Yoskovitz at Instigator Blog
Benjamin at WOWNDADI
Beth at Butterfly Thoughts
Bill Perry at Lucid Blog
Billy Smith at The Organic Leadership Blog
Blogfuse at LifeDev
Bluskygirl at LifeGoddess.com
Brad Isaac at Achieve It
Brett Farmiloe, James Whiting, Noah Pollock and Zach Hubbell at Pursue The Passion
Brian Clark at Copyblogger
Brian Kim at briankim.net
Brian Lee at geniustypes.com
Brightfeathers at this time-this space
Brooke at Plain Advice
Bob at everyeveryminute
Bolly at Motivational Corner
Boston Gal at Boston Gal’s Open Wallet
Byron Katie at Byron Katie.com
Cam Beck at ChaosScenario
Cara Lumen at The Success Magnets With Cara Luman and Your Second Wind Blog
Carlon Haas at Possess Less Exist More
Carol Skolnick at Soul Surgery
Catherine Carter at Continuum Wellness
Cheif Family Officer at Cheif Family Officer
Chris at The Philosophy of Change
Chris at One is All and All is One
Chris Brogan at Chris Brogan.com
Chris Cade at Spiritual Short Stories
Chris Cree at SuccessCREEations
Chris Marshall at Martial Development
Chris Melton at Soupornuts.com
Chris Owen at Pink Apple
Christine Kane at ChristineKane.com
Christine Valters Painter at Abbey of the Arts
Christy Z at Totally Fabulous
Clyde at Feeling Good
Colin Beavan at No Impact Man
Colleen Wainwright of Communicatrix
Conceive, Believe, Achieve at Conceive, Believe, Achieve
Confessing at 7Confessions
Cooper at Wonderland or Not
Corrine Edwards at Personal Growth with Corrine Edwards
Crabby McSlacker at Cranky Fitness
Craig Harper at Motivational Speaker
Craze at Crazedreamer’s Thoughts
Curt Rosengren at Occupational Adventure
Cyres at Cyres Matters
Damian Carr at Soul Terminal
Daniel Roach at Daniel Roach.org
Daniel Sitter at Idea Sellers
Danny Kohn at Be Inspired Everyday
Daria Black at Figmeant Writing Studio and Community
Darlene Siddons at Spirited Boutique
Darren Rowse at Problogger.net
Dave Pollard at How to Save the World
Dave Schawbel at The Personal Branding Blog
Dave Schoof at Engaging the Disquiet
Davers at Language Trainers Blog
David Allen at The David Allen Company
David Bohl at Reflections on Balance
David Finch at David Finch.com
David Richeson at 360 Degree Success
David Rogers at How to Have Great Self Confidence
David Seah at David Seah.com
David Zinger at Slacker Manager
Dawn Vinson at Daydreaming on Paper
Dawud Miracle at dmiracle.com
Daylle Deanna Schwartz at Lessons from a Recovering Doormat
Dean Lacono at Law of Attraction for Beginners
Deb at Mind Body and Solar
Deb2012 at Fibromaylgia and Wellness
Debbie Call at Spirit In Gear
Debbie LaChusa at 10 Step Marketing Collection
Deborah aka Zephry1 at Climate of Our Future
Debra Moorhead at Debra Moorhead.com
Denise Mosawi at Destineering.com
Derrick Kwa at Sui Generis
Desika Nadadur at Desika Nadadur.com
Devlyn Steele at Tools To Life Guide
Diane Cese at Everything Yoga
Dick Richards at Come Gather Round
Dominic Tay at Personal Development for Winners
Don Simkovich at Hey Don
Donald Latumahina at Life Optimizer
Donald Trump and others at The Trump Blog
Donna Karlin at Perspectives
Donna Steinhorn at Rethinking
Douglas Eby at Talent Development Resources
Dr. Charles Parker at The Core Psych Blog
Dr. Hal at Northstar Mental fitness blog
Dr. Michael Shea at From Pain to Personal Gain
Dr. Tim Sharp at The Happiness Institute
Drew Rozell at Drew Rozell.com
Dwayne Melancon at Genuine Curiosity
E Murphy at The Active Life
Edward Mills at Evolving Times
Edward Smith at Bright Moment
Edith Brown at JETEAK PRESS WRITER BLOG
Edith Yeung at Dream Think Act
Elizabeth Badurina at Modern Gypsy
Elle Mgee at Ever Hopeful, Ever Thankful
Ellen Weber at Brain Based Business
Ellesse at Goal Setting College
Elly Jolly at Jolly Life Coaching
Emily G. W. Lilly at The Science of Waldorf Education
Emmanuel Lopez at The Adventures of Motivatorman
Enoch Tan at Mind Reality
Eric Boehme at The Blogging Boss
Eric Napier at Quotation Collection
Erin Pavlina at Erin Pavlina.com
Ev Nucci at My Life is Murphy’s Law
Evelyn Lim at Attraction Mind Map
Evelyn Rodriguez at Crossroads Dispatches
Evolving Excellence at Evolving Excellence
Farouk Radwan at 2KnowMySelf
Frank at Re/Transformation
Frank Kanu at Frank Uncovers Excellence in Leadership
Frank Roche at KnowHR Blog
Galba Bright at Tune Up Your EQ
Garr Reynolds at Presentation Zen
Gary at Personal Strategic Plan
Gary Evans at Good to Feel Good.com
Gerri at Absolutely True
Gilad Buchman at Sigsug
Gleb Reys at Personal Development Ideas
Glenda Watson Hyatt at Do It Myself Blog
Grayson at Modern Worker Blog
Greg Butler at holistic-personal-development.com
Greg Frost at ChargedAudio.com
Geoff R at Gearfire.net
George Vasu at 360
Golbguru at Money, Matter, and More Musings
Gretchen Rubin at Happiness Project
Gustav at Success-is-in-you.com
Guy Kawasaki at How to Change the World
Gyanish at Diethack
Halina Goldstein at The Inner Travel Journal
Hatter at Dreaming to Infinity
Hilda Carroll at Living Out Loud
Heather Goldsmith at A Creative Journal
Helgi Pall Einarsson at Everyday Wonderland
Henrik Edberg at The Positivity Blog
Holly Sumner at The Abundance Place
Honman at Open Your Mind to Prosperity
Hueina Su at Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul
Ilyria at Finding Norway
Inkedmn at The Cranking Widgets Blog
Isabella Mori at MoriTherapy
Isha at Isha Yoga
Itzy Sabo at Email Overloaded
JC at Job Life Upgrade
Jacin Steele at Jacin Steele.com
Jack Vinson at Knowledge Jolt with Jack
Jackie at The Painted Veil
Jackie Ford at The Vegan Diet
Jacklyn Ker at Inspiring and Empowing Lives
Jarle Husefest at The Personal Development Blog
Jason and Michael at Black Belt Productivity
Jason Ivers at A Miracle a Day
Jason Womack at Fit and Effective
Jay White at dumb little man tips for life
Jean Browman at Transforming Stress Into Power and Cheerful Monk
Jeane Michelle Culp at Binding Ink
Jeanne May at Aspirations Plus
Jeannette Maw at Good Vibe Coaching
Jeanie Marshall at Empowerment and Meditation Blog and DailyAffirm: Positive Affirmations Day by Day
Jeff Davidson at Breathing Space Blog
Jeff Lilly at Druid Journal
Jeffrey Phillips at Think Faster
Jennifer at Goodness Graciousness
Jennifer Mannion at Heal Pain Naturally
Jenny Ryan at Using My Powers For Good
JENNY AND ERIN at Jenny and Erin
Jeremiah Owyang at Web Strategy by Jeremiah
Jerry Hart at Blue Print to emarketing
Jerry Lopper at Personal Growth
Jessa at clairvoyantGuidance.net
Jessica Hagy at Indexed
Jim stroup at Managing Leadership
Jim Walton at Black In Business
JoLynn Braley at The Fit Shack
Joan Schramm at Accelerating Momentum
Joanna Young at Coaching Wizardry
Joanne at I’m Happy Fish
JodeeB at You Already Know This Stuff
Joe Vitale at Dr. Joe Vitale at Zero
Joel at Fearless Dreams
John Chow at John Chow Dot Com
John Pratt at John Pratt International
John Place at John Place Online
John W. McKenna at The Leadership Epidemic
John Wesley at Pick The Brain
Jon at Join The Secret
Jon King at The Effective Life
Jon Willis at Self Happiness
Jonathan at Smart Wealthy Rich and Freelance Folder
Jordan at The Abe Blog
Jory Des Jardin at Pause: Meaningful Work
Josh Bickford at Reach For Magnificence and Reach for Magnificence
Josh Kaufman at The Personal MBA
Joshua Denny at Catalyst for Change
Judy Martin at The Work/Life Monitor
Julia Rogers Hamrick at Julia’s Blog: Journal of the Journey Home to Eden
Julie Bonner at Declutter It
Kailani at An Island Review
Kammie Kobyleski at Passion Meets Purpose
Kara-Leah Masina at Be Conscious Now
Karen at Journey with Water Learner
Karen Lynch at Live The Power
Karen Putz at A Deaf Mom Shares Her World
Karen Wallace at The Clearing Space
Karl Moore at Karl Blog.com
Karl Staib at Karl Staib.com
Kathy Mallary at Coaching Biz Tips
Keith Ferrazzi at Never Eat Alone
Kelly at Kellymentology
Ken Dow and Martin Cooper at Creativity Happens
Kenton Whitman at kentonwhitman.com
Kevin Kinchen at Creative Power of Thought
Killeris at Attitude, The Ultimate Power
Kim and Jason at Escape Adulthood
Kim George at Doing What You Can Do
Kimber Chin at Client K
Kirk Nugent at Kirk Nugent.com
Krishan Singh at Kundalini Yoga Blog
Kirsten Harrell at Ipopin
Krishna De at Biz Growth News and Todays Women in Business
Kristen King at Lively Women
K.L. Masina at Be Conscious Now
LJW at Heavenly Inclinations
Lauchlan Mackinnon at Think Differently
Laura at Heaven is Inside
Laura at Orgjunkie
Lawrence Cheok at A Long, Long Road
Laura Young at The Dragon Slayer’s Guide to Life
Leah Maclean at Working Solo
Leigh at The Lab
Lee Nutter at bmindful
Leo Babauta at Zen Habits
Liara Covert at Dream Builders
Life Reflection at Universe in a Single Atom
Lilifixt at Feel Happy
Lillie Ammann at A Writers Words, An Editor’s Eye
Linda Hernestal da Silva at Daily Power Walk
Linda Salazar at Awaken The Genie Within
Lisa Braithwaite at Speak Schmeak
Lisa Gates at Design Your Writing Life
Lisa Haneberg at Management Craft, Two weeks to a Breakthrough Blog, and Chile Pepper High
Lisa McGlaun at LifePrints - Good News for a More Compassionate World
Lisa Mills at Work at Home Mom Revolution
Lisa Q at 40s Singleness-Dating in Your 40s
Lisa Van Allen at Finish Strong
Liz at Internet Marketing Strategies
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog
Lodewijkvdb at How to be an Original
Lola Fayemi at Real World Spiritual and Personal Development
Lori Grant and Debbie at Smart Lemming
Lorie Marrero at The Clutter Diet Blog
Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living
Luciano Passuello at Litemind.com
Lucid at Spiritual Suggestions
Lumosity at Brain Health Blog
Lyman Reed at Creating a Better Life
Lyndon Antcliff at LyndonAntcliff.com and Cornwallseo.com
Lynn McTaggert at Living The Field
Lynne Morrell at Lynn Morrell.com and Musings From The Edge
MT at MindTWEAKS
Madame X at My Open Wallet
Maddy at Illuminated Minds Want to Know
Malathy Badri at Laws of Universe
Malcolm Campbell at The Round Table
Manny at Success Books
Maria Gajewski at Never The Same River Twice
Maria Garcia at Get Organized Now
Maria Palma at The Good Life
Marianne Williamson at Journal
Marion at Herbal Connection
Marilyn Jenett at Feel Free to Prosper and Feel Free to Prosper Ryze Network
Mark at The Naked Soul
Mark Forster at Get Everything Done
Mark LaPierre at The Winding Path
Mark McManus at Build Your Life To Order
Mark Sanborn at sanborn.com“>Mark Sanborn.com, and You Don’t Need a Title to Be a Leader
Mark W Shead at Productivity 501
Martin Avis at Kickstart Daily
Mary K at Becoming Your StellarSelf
Matthew Cornell at Matt’s Idea Blog
Matthew M. Costello at The Winning Attitude
Meg Haworth at Life Lessons From Your Soul
Melanie Benson Strick at The Success Blog
Merlin Mann at 43 Folders
Meryl K. Evans at Meryl.net
Michelle at aMusing My Genius
Michelle at Binding INK III
Michelle Moore at Happiness Blog
Michael Port at The Think Big Revolution
Michael Vanderdonk at TOACH Performance
Michael Werner at Dream Jobs Dialog
Mike Janssen at Opgestroopte Mouwen
Mike Kemski at BANABU
Mike St. Pierre at The Daily Saint
Millionaire Mommy Next Door at Millionaire Mommy Next Door
Mimi Lennox at Mimi Writes
Mizzy Bohemia at Miz BoheMia’s Rhapsody
Mona Grayson at Question The Mind
Monte Ladner at Fitness Rocks
Moneymonk at Moneymonk
Mr.Wang at Mr Wang Says So
MsJayy at Jackie Young Writes
My Everyday Planner at My Everyday Planner
My Mind on Books at My Mind on Books
Mystical Monkey at One Mystical Monkey
NCN at No Credit Needed
Nancy Mills at The Spirited Woman
Nancy Tierney at Unconditional Confidence
Neal Donald Walsh at Conversations With God
Neil Patel at Quick Sprout
Nic Askew at Monday 9AM Blog
Nick Smith at Life 2.0
Nita at Moments
Nneka at Balanced Life Center
Ordinary Mystic at The Ordinary Mystic
Organize-It at Organize-It
Pamala Slim at Escape From Cubicle Nation
Pamm Larry at My Secret Spiritual Dance
Patrick Combs at Good Thinking Co.
Patricia Klingler at Remarkable Women Speak
Patricia Singleton at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker
Patti Digh at 37 Days
Paul at Paul’s Tips
Paul Piotrowski at Self Help Wisdom
Paula Kawal at Paula Kawal.com
Peggy Payne at Peggy Payne’s Boldness Blog
Penelope Trunk at The Brazen Careerist
Peter at I Will Change Your Life
Peter Aldin at Great Circle
Peter Haslem at Necessary Skills
Phil Gerbyshak at Make It Great
Philip J Eby at Dirt Simple.org
Philippe Matthews at Shockwealth
Pia at Courting Destiny
Polli at Polliwog’s Pond
Priscilla Palmer at Personal Development Demands Success
Priya Florence Shah at Soul Kadee
Quint Jensen at Win Your Mind
Raymond Salas at Zenchill Powertools
Real Modern Man at Real Modern Man
Reg Adkins at ElementalTruths
Rhonalala at The Harder I Work, The Luckier I Am
Ricardo at Wake Up Tiger
Rich Schefren at Strategic Profits
Rick Cockrum at Shards of Consciousness
Rick Cooper at The PDA Pro
Ririan at Ririanproject
RivKaz at Waterlearner
Rob at 7Breaths
Rob Cooke at Leave the Office
Robert at Compassionate Council
Robert at Myselfdev
Robert Ashcroft at PDSS Online
Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
Robin Skeen at Robin’s Reflections
Robin Yapp at Yapp 3.0
Robyn McMaster at Brain Based Biz
Roger Von Oech at Creative Think
Rolf F. Katzenberger at Evomend
Rosemary at Parkinson’s Disease and Peripheral Neuropathy
Rosa Say at Managing With Aloha Coaching
Ryan Marle at The Alpha Project
S.J. Yee at Personal Development for the Book Smart
Sam at Aquire Wisdom and Live with Passion
Scott Adams at The Dilbert Blog
Scott Andrew Bird at Scott Andrew Bird.com
Scott Berkun at Berkun Blog
Scott Bernadot at Keeping The Secret
Scott Ginsberg at Hello, My Name Is Blog
Scott H Young at Scott H Young
Scott McArthur at McArthur’s Rant
Secret Simon at The Secret of Life
Self Pursuit at Self Pursuit
Senia at Senia.com Positive Psychology Coaching
Seth Godin at Seth’s Blog
2 Know My Self at 2KnowMySelf
Shane Navratil at Zoomstart
Shaun Boyd at LifeReboot.com
Shauna Arthurs at Breathing Prosperity and Follow Your Path
Shaheen Lakhan at GNIF Brain Blogger
Simone at Dynamic Living
Simone and Mandy at Outfit Inspirations
Single Ma at Single Ma’s Fabulous Financials
Slade Roberson at Shift Your Spirits and Spiritual Blogging
Sleeping Dude at How to Wake Up Early
Sonora Jayne Case at Positive Realities Coaching
Sophiagurl at Life is Just Around the Corner
Spike at Organize It
Spiritlifter at Intentional Abundance
Stacy Brice at Virtualosophy
Start Up Coach at Take Charge of Your Life
Stay at Home Mom at Insanity’s Oasis
Stephanie and Jeffrey at Brains on Purpose
Stephen at HD bizblog
Stephen Hopson at Adversity University
Stephen Shapiro at Stephen Shapiro.com
Steve Beisheim at Jumping Ship Happens
Steve Grossman at Why I failed
Steve Harper at The Ripple Effect
Steve King at The Green Geek
Steve Moore at Personal Development Blog
Steve Olson at Steve-Olson.com
Steve Pavlina at stevepavlina.com
Steve Roesler at All Things Workplace
Steven Aitchison at Change Your Thoughts
Success Current at SuccessCurrent.com
Sue Ann Edwards at Always Embraces All Ways
Sunny Schlenger at SunCoach.com
Surjit at Gurushabad
Susan at Got2BeGreen
Susan R. Meyer at Life Work Cafe
Susan Sabo at Productivity Cafe
Susie at The Accidental Environmentalist
Susanna Kompogiorgas at Flowing Chi
Suzanne Bird-Harris at Learning Curve Coaching
Suzanne Falter-Barns at Discover Your Joy
Takeshi at Nakayima
Takuin Minamoto at Takuin.com
Taylor at Mom’s Out There
Ted Demopoulos at Blogging For Business
Teesha Moore at TeeshaMorre.com
Terry Starbucker at Ramblings From a Glass Half Full
Therapy Doc at Everyone Needs Therapy
Thom Quinn at Qlog
Tiffany at Little Red Suit
Tim Ferris at 4-Hour Workweek and Lifestyle Design Blog
Tim Taylor at My Agapic Life
Tim Warren at Personal Development4U
Tish at The Kat House
Todd Goldfarb at We The Change
Tom LeDree at Tom
Tom Peters at Tom Peters.com
Tom Spanton at TRCoach
Tom Van Brunscot of Transformation Economy
Tony Brigmon at Smile Notes
Tony Chimento at Living Forward
Tony D Clark at Success From The Nest
Torlink at You Create Reality
Travis A. Sinquefield at Disorganizational Behavior
Travis Wright at Cultivate Greatness
Tricia at Blogging Away Debt
Tricia at Loving Farewells
Trizoko at Trizoko.com
Trent Hamm at The Simple Dollar
Trevor Gay at Simplicity is the Key
Troy Worman at Orbit Now!
Tuck Self at Rebel Belle Blog
Tupelo Kenyon at Tupelokenyon.com
Ubertech at Geeks Guide To GTD
Vanessa Vinos at Musings from a Life Coach
Vera Nadine at Vera Nadine.com
Vickie at Contemplate This
Wade Millican at The Middle Way
Wally Bock at Three Star Leadership
Wan Qi at Meditation Forum Mantras
Wanda Grindstaff at Creating Abundant Lifestyles
Wendy Betterini at Wings For The Heart
Wild Bill at Passionate Blogger
Winsome at Winsome Gunning Art Walk
Zale Tabakman at Success Through Balance
Zorka at Essential Life Skills

Collaborated sites:
Blogher’s Religion and Spirituality “department”
Burst Blog
Change This
Change Your Thinking
Daily PlanIt
Did I Get Things Done
GTD Wannabe
Jobman2
Joyful Jubilant Learning
Life Coaches Blog Stratagies for a Greater Life
Lifehack.org
Lifehacker.com
Phattitudes.com
TED Blog
Transformational Girlfriends
Transfoundation
Unclutterer

For those of you who speak Russian:
Anatoly Tikhomirov at Personal Efficacy
Armen Petrosyan at Thought Storage #428
Irina Chelnokova at Women Path
Michael Subach at LifeIdea.org
Sergey Biryukov at Personal Development in Russian
Vitaly Kolesnik at Kolesnik.ru
Vladimir Rundan at Living is Great!

Have you ever experienced a moment where time seems to stand still? Where you were able to think clearly, but were unable to take action? Where the outcome seemed inevitable? A couple of weeks ago I had an experience like this that stands out in my mind. As you you read this you might start wondering, so what? Great! This is my point exactly as I think that is how we feel about most of the cumulative moments that shape us, that are responsible for creating our mental maps and our views of the world.

I was running some errands in my car in the heart of the city on a beautiful day. I came to a complete stop at a stop light and began looking around to take in the splendor of the day. The sun was shining, my music was playing and the windows were down. I began checking out all the people around me - the guy in the car next to me who seemed unhappy about something, a nondescript lady waiting at the bus stop, a guy with streaming dreadlocks riding his bike my way while turned around watching a especially attractive woman walk by. My attention seemed drawn to the guy on the bike and I turned to look again.

Slowly it dawned on me this bike rider was so fixated on the woman he was eyeing he didn’t realize he had just glided through a busy intersection. Then it dawned on me that he was headed straight towards me! Hmmm, I thought, he’s biking pretty fast that the impact is really going to hurt him and possibly do some serious damage to both him and his bike. He wouldn’t hit me, would he? I tilted my head and pondered this a bit more and noticed the nondescript bus lady was also watching the events unfold with the same disbelief. I then glanced and watched the grumpy man’s anger turning to concern as it dawned on him what was about to happen. We all just sat and watched in disbelief as I silently pondered the probability of the biker hitting my vehicle. Then, with less than 2 feet left to impact, the biker turned around and swerved so rapidly that he nearly hit a parked car but he didn’t hit me.

What the heck, I sat there and watched a guy nearly collide with me in a head-on collision? Yes, he would have been hurt and I bet he would of wrecked my windshield and I didn’t do anything except watch. I could have yelled or honked, but did not a thing. Neither did anyone else.

Why? I think it was because it was so outside what I expected that I became stuck in observation mode. I had no previous experiences to guide my actions and since I did not seem in danger my fight of flight responses did not kick in. I certainly would of known what to do if my vehicle was moving (stop or swerve) or if I was biking (pay attention to where I was riding and gradually change my path to avoid parked vehicles). That afternoon however, I didn’t know what to do. My mind did not guide me, instead it played the role of silent observer, a role that would of brought me much discomfort if the biker had hit my vehicle and gotten hurt. I would of felt guilt and confusion over my complete lack of response as, I image, would of the others who watched this near accident unfold with perplexed looks on their faces.

Just what was this inability to respond? Was I getting the chance to see first hand just how perceptions and beliefs are formed? How they are directly tied to my actions? A striking demonstration as to how my future choices and decisions and even perceptions of the world would forever be changed in a small but very memorable moment? I think so…

Related Posts:
Challenging Our Mental Maps
How Your Mind Really Works, Steve Pavlina over at Steve Pavlina.com
Changing Beliefs: Instantaneous or Gradual?, Mark Lapierre over at The Winding Path
Learn How to See Your Own Rose-Colored Glasses, Jason Ivers over at A Miracle a Day

It strikes me as strange in the search for life’s answers many of us look so far away - to books, mythical figures or so-called gurus we have never met - when often the answers are closer than we think. While reflecting on the people who have impacted my life one voice stands out. This person impacted me so deeply that I still think of him weekly, despite more than a decade passing since we last spoke. My understanding of how truly wise and special he was grows each year and I am grateful I knew him, if only for too short a time.

Calvin and I met in college and soon realized we shared many things, including a ridiculous and often inappropriate sense of humor, a love of music, the desire to understand life and a passion for big, dramatic experiences. Unlike me, Calvin was an incredibly organized student and attended school on a full scholarship. He was the first person in his family with the opportunity to pursue a secondary education and carried that weight with every decision he made. He grew up on a reservation in rural North Dakota in conditions that rivaled a developing country - so poor that his home did not have indoor plumbing until his late teens. Poverty was a fact of life and an ever present reality.

Calvin never really fit in and I loved him for that – he never dressed quite right, wearing second hand clothes long before it was cool, never said the “right” thing at the right time, his mind knew no limits and he was not politically correct about anything particularly his heritage or mine. He was flawed, as was I, but in his company it did not matter. He said it is our flaws that allow us to sparkle in beauty when we see and care for them. Experience tells me Calvin was right.

Before Calvin I thought some people just accomplished things easily and for the rest of us achievement was possible but much harder. He showed me this was not the case. Calvin had so many things to overcome to stand at the same place in life I was born into to. Calvin worked harder than anyone I have ever met and his seemingly easy brilliance did not come without sacrifice. He was so driven and directed towards his dreams that even when circumstances around him crumbled he would get back up and start again without more than a momentary complaint. He had an unshakable belief in himself and a willingness to truly live. The funny thing about Calvin was he didn’t only believe in himself, he believed in the people he cared about. He just so expected you to succeed that you actually ended up believing him.

Calvin’s sincere belief in himself came from his willingness to look at the darkest parts of his life. He was very brave that way. He was honest nearly to a fault. Calvin never apologized for who he was or mistakes he made, he only apologized if he hurt you. Nothing was sacred to him - anything could and would be asked, any joke could be made and anything or anyone around him questioned. Oh, and he was a crappy driver, a really crappy driver!

Calvin’s very life was a lesson to be observed and learned. He exposed me to authentic beauty and through him I learned what attractiveness really is. He taught me that life isn’t fair, but fair or not your only choice is to live it and if you’re smart to embrace it. I learned through example how to be gentle with others and look beneath the surface as we are all a little scarred and fragile deep down - even the strongest of us all.

Being his friend and watching him taught me many, many things:

• That you don’t have to be perfect (or even anywhere close) to have a meaningful life;
• That time is short, when we met his life was nearly over and I‘m left to wonder how I would of acted if I had know there wasn’t all the time in the world;
• To treat the people I love with gratitude;
• That our flaws are often the sources of our greatest beauty;
• Truly living entails passion, and;
• That you can’t touch your dreams without trying. And I mean really trying.

The day his fondest dream was realized (a developmental deal with a small but prestigious record label) I was standing next to him - and at that moment I experienced a combination of admiration and respect that felt boundless. Within a month of realizing his dream and while whole-heartedly living it he was killed in a car accident while driving home late at night. Sadly we had been arguing. My biggest lessons I saved for last - leaving things unsaid or undone is a horrible feeling as you don’t get those chances back. Thankfully time has taught me that in the end words spoken in anger or undone deeds don’t define an entire relationship as every relationship is bigger than a single moment or careless cruelty.

Do you have someone in your life who has influenced you, made you better or taught you about love? If they are still around for you to tell them consider yourself blessed and I urge you to stop whatever you are doing and do it. Time isn’t ours, ultimately we only have the moments…

The follow-up to Nice People are Overrated…

Why is being “nice” so valued in our culture? Why do nice guys finish last while the bad boys get the good girls? A couple of weeks ago I argued that Nice People Are Overrated (click here to read that post) and ended up wondering if our fixation on being “nice” is tied to a misunderstanding of manners. I’ve come to the conclusion that having good manners doesn’t constitute being nice or vice versa.

Being nice is a very surface understanding of both manners and interpersonal relationships. In fact, the people we commonly refer to as “nice” usually don’t have very good manners. They appear concerned with others, but their own words and actions betray them for what they are – thoughtless. A nice person, however, believes even their thoughtless words should be counted as nice because they were “trying to be nice”. In the mind of “nice” the outcome (hurt feelings) shouldn’t have more weight than the intention (their “thoughtfulness” or consideration of the other person demonstrated by asking them a question), it is intentions that matter. And suggesting otherwise brands you as “mean”.

Some real-life examples of “nice” in action:

• The nice lady from down the street who asks the adoptive mother of two Asian girls, in front of the children, how much the children cost and comments on how sorry she feels for her that the mother is missing out on the joy of having her own real children.
• The nice guy at work who comments on how much better you look after losing some weight and quickly adds that you didn’t look bad before, you just look so great now.

I’ve seen nice people in these situations argue that they were “just curious” and didn’t intend to hurt anyone’s feelings. They end the conversation feeling the victimized party, not understanding how anyone could think they would have been intentionally mean. Good manners on the other hand imply thoughtfulness, thinking about the other person and their possible point of view before speaking. You can be mentally “checked out” and still be considered “nice”. This isn’t the case with manners.

The same real-life examples for someone with good manners:

• To the adoptive mother of two Asian girls, “Oh, what beautiful girls you have! How old are they and what are their names? You must be so proud.”
• To the co-worker who’s recently lost weight, “You are looking really nice today.”

Same situations but very different words and the people involved are left feeling very different. Let’s not be Pollyanna here, the person with good manners might be dying to ask how expensive it is to adopt from overseas and your best buddy male co-worker may suddenly seeing you as an attractive potential date for the first time. But consideration for the other party overrides the first words or questions that come to mind.

On the surface being nice and having good manners both focus on the “other”. So how can they be so different? Being nice is all about self-denial, thus breeding resentment. A “nice” person has been taught from childhood to put others before themselves the implication being that others are better than they. This leaves them feeling inferior and allows resentment to build. This belief is so ingrained that even if others are their equals or self-perceived as “inferiors”, they must continue pretending otherwise. This grates deeply, opening the door to “accidental/on purpose” nice words and actions.

Someone with good manners on the other hand has been taught or learned that they are neither better than nor less than other people. No indeed, manners are a tool and are used as such. When practiced manners allow us to both give and receive in our relationships. Having good manners is about respecting oneself. If someone with good manners is being treated poorly it is likely they begin to politely avoid being around the person causing offense, rather than suffer in silence. Manners allow authentic responses, controlled yes, but authentic nonetheless. Authentic people aren’t doormats. No such safeguard is given to those taught to be nice.

A lot of people with good manners get stuck in the same category as “nice” people. This is a real shame because they are completely different. Being “nice” is a lazy way through life, while developing good manners is a lot of work.