The Bravest Thing I’ve Done
Posted in Contests and Memes on October 5th, 2007 by Jenny MormanLorraine Cohen at Powerful Living asked: What’s the bravest thing you ever did that you’re most proud of? What gave you courage to be brave then, that continues to give you courage today?
This past March I chose a path that frightened me to the core, yet allowed me to confront my fears and become braver day by day. It was starting this blog. In my day-to-day life I am rather shy, not shy in a sense that I am scared to say hello or engage in casual conversation, but shy in that I tend to share very little of substance with others. As far back as I can remember I’ve always seen things just slightly differently or perhaps more accurately just cared about different things. When I would push through my reserve to express my thoughts or ideas they often appeared so random or perhaps so at odds to what others knew of me that the usual response would be either confused laughter or utter bewilderment.
I don’t remember a time in my life until I was at university that I shared my deepest thoughts and it didn’t result in either head-shaking laughter and a quick change of subject or a blank stare and a quip on how confusing I was. In addition, school was rather challenging for me. Although I deeply love learning I get bored easily and find it quite difficult to accept arbitrary instructions. If an instructor couldn’t tell me why I often just didn’t listen. Similar to other facets of my life I pushed the boundaries often to my own detriment, this time in terms of deadlines, core requirements, subject matter and assignments. So I creatively bumbled through my education having an amazing time yet leaving huge gaps in my learning that continue to bother me. Gaps such as graduating from university without ever managing to pass even pre-algebra and substituting “special projects“ for all but two of my required science classes. My foundations are very eclectic.
Although I love ideas I have never really known if my thinking is solid and I rarely challenged myself to take an idea to completion. This left tons of fragments of “great” ideas swimming in my head, but also the frustrations of watching “my” ideas become popular sometimes years after I first began thinking about them. Lacking any sort of external or internal discipline the few times I would try to fully develop an idea I failed miserably - likely due to my belief that smart people didn’t need to do things like write outlines or complete multiple drafts. These failures led to even more self-doubt. Over the years this self-doubt morphed into a belief that would hit at my lowest moments that I was completely stupid and cause me to just freeze.
What gave me the courage to be brave? Nothing big and dramatic just a slow accumulation of a lot of things including:
- A long-term love who believed in me and encouraged me to try my hand at writing and who told me regularly how much he loved my mind even when he didn’t understand what I was saying.
- A boss who put ego aside when I tentatively explained why the path she (the company) was on was heading down a road to sure disaster and she found my outsider view convincing. Slowly that view became valued by others as well and I saw that my thoughts (at least in this arena) made a difference.
- Starting a company with Erin and watching it grow and become a success on our own terms.
- A new friend who seemed genuinely startled to hear me call myself stupid (and was intelligent enough to know) and whose encouragement of, and patience with, my endless questioning is rivaled only by Erin’s.
And mostly I’ve become brave through the process of blogging itself - the thinking, creating, reading, writing and posting and most of all through dialogues with people I greatly respect. In addition to slowly writing about ideas that have been in my head literally since my teens I’ve encountered people who have challenged my thinking at every level and realized that even though I might not be able to articulate exactly what I mean what I say is understandable if others want to hear. I’ve (with some bumps and helping hands) managed to continue writing even when those moments of absolute self-doubt overtake me and those moments have occurred less and less as the months have worn on. Now even when I think I’m stupid I know I’m not and my reserve is slowly being chipped away.
Erin and I were interested in hearing about the bravest thing you’ve ever done Todd, Pippa, John and Pamir.
Related Posts:
Dreaming into Awakening, by Pippa at her blog Pippa’s Porch
The Bravest Thing I’ve Done, by John Allison at Technology for Living
Understanding Courage
Soul Bravery, by Pamir at Reiki Help Blog
Sometimes There’s a Fine Line Between Bravery and Foolishness, by Mark Lapierre at The Winding Path
October 5th, 2007 at 11:25 am
What a beautiful post Jenny!
I was so moved by your story. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest in sharing what has inspired and strengthened you in becoming the woman you are today.
Your blog posts are insightful and thoughtful. You invite us to celebtare our humaness.
I feel honored to have met you!
Blessings,
Lorraine
October 5th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I got bored easily in school, too, though I still paid enough attention to do well. I don’t get bored so easily any more (I’m better at keeping myself doing something that I want to do), but I’ve noticed a new (to me) problem coming up more and more these days: I’m tired. Mentally tired… I can focus on something like writing an article for my site for a while, but any time I take a moment’s break, tiredness swells up, sometimes seemingly like it’s going to overwhelm me.
I don’t know if this is really the appropriate place to post this, but I’m so tired right now, and just feel like I want to let it out somewhere.
October 5th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Thanks for the challenge and kind words Lorraine! Writing this was rather scary so I imagine it was the perfect thing for me to do.
Hey Jason,
I agree on not getting bored so easily any longer mostly because for most aspects of my life I pick who and what I’m paying attention or learning more about. Much more fun!
Yep, an appropriate place to write about your tiredness as you’re amongst friends.
That is a horrible way to feel! I’ve felt like that a few times in my life and it has *always* been tied to lack of consistent sleep although the effect doesn’t seem to appear right away but usually only after a couple of weeks of inconsistent sleep (even when some nights I appear to “catch up”).
Oh! and one other time I felt similar to what you are describing was in a situation slightly similar to what you recently wrote about experiencing. I’m not sure why that happened but it certainly did and in my case it lasted perhaps two weeks and then slowly lifted and I ended ultimately in a more comfortable space than I had ever been before and for the most part have stayed there. Email me or whatever if you’d like to discuss further as I’d be happy to.
October 5th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
I agree Jenny
If writing your story gave you courage then your post is even richer for you and anyone who reads it. What a bonus!
It was perfect!
October 5th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Hey Jason! Great article today and since it was on topic thought I’d link it for you
It’s called Courage Without Limit the End of Doubt and Fear. I really enjoyed it! It’s worth taking the time to read.
Ummm, but I did have a couple of questions…
October 5th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
Why thank you, Jenny. What a friend I have
October 5th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Thank you, Jenny for your bravery! I feel so lucky that I’ve found a place (a few places, now) where people are discussing and debating ideas that are close to my heart. At the moment, I may just be a sponge, soaking up everyones intellect - soon, I may be brave enough to add something constructive to the discussions!
“Although I love ideas I have never really known if my thinking is solid and I rarely challenged myself to take an idea to completion.”
That’s me, currently. I love the fact that everyone here is open about the fact that they are still learning, and that they may shift their beliefs, but can post with such clarity whilst on their ‘quest for understanding’ - tongue-in-cheek or not!
October 5th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Apologies for missing the quote marks above!
October 5th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
It is so nice to get your comment Claire! Welcome back
You can add whatever you’d like to the discussions and everyone is quite nice although comment long enough and someone is sure to stick a tongue out at you. 
No worries on the quotes, I stuck them in. Hope to hear more from you.
October 7th, 2007 at 2:50 am
Oh, brave Jenny, you are in exactly the right place! I am so glad that your journey led you to starting this blog ~ your thoughts always inspire me to contemplation, and this kind of contemplation always results in ending in a better place than where I began.
Thanks for your courage in sharing, and thanks so much for linking me.
More and more I begin to realize that life always requires us to be brave ~ we are ALL heroes simply because we live through each day’s ups and downs. Isn’t that awesome?
Love,
Pippa
October 7th, 2007 at 3:06 am
Dear Jenny,
As you write, it’s like a mirror that enables you to reflect and grow inside. I’m thrilled to hear how your business is growing with Erin. You make a good team. To open yourself up to others is also a way of opening up to yourself to possibilities you may not have recognized before. As you choose to listen to your soul, you learn from life experience. This is very inspiring to your readers. I enjoy reading and participating in your blog.
As for my personal life, I have repeatedly taken risks and experienced rewards beyond measure. Each of us must evaluate what is worth doing and when. Our motives vary at different phases in our lives.
One example in my life was an impulsive move to join a former boyfriend on a trip with his parents. At the time, I was studying in the south of France and had little money. Let’s say, I learned to do more with less. Low and behold, my attention was drawn to a ‘last minute flight deal.’ I bought a non-refundable ticket and set out for a memorable adventure. I flew to north to Paris (France)-over to London (UK), across the Atlantic to Miami (USA) and then caught a connector to the Caribbean. On route, I missed a flight and had to me re-routed. Little did I know the computer assumed I didn’t fly and automatically cancelled my return itinerary. Imagine my dismay when I was supposed to be on the same plane as my then boyfriend and his parents back to Florida and was told I couldn’t board. We didn’t have the chance to say good bye. My reaction? I got creative.
Although all the other flights out that day from the island to Miami were supposedly over-sold, I talked my way onto the next connection. I sat with a stewardess in the rear. Upon arrival in Miami, I ran faster than I ever had between three terminals. I passed through security check and arrived at the gate their plane. Yet, the plane had boarded and was preparing to depart. I summarized my story to the two attendants at the gate. Luckily for me, the guy and girl were sentimental types. They decided to make an on-board PA announcement for my then boyfriend to come off the plane. I have no clue what he or his parents thought when they heard it, except perhaps, “what the???” One of those attendants accompanied me down the tunnel. When my boyfriend saw me, he looked at me in disbelief and smiled. I said, “I simply wanted to give you a proper goodbye.” What ensued was a memorable kiss and embrace. It took a lot of courage for me to take the chance. As the attendant escorted me out of the tunnel, I was grateful for the emotional roller coaster. I think he felt he had done a good deed. It was before 9/11 when security measures were different.
A couple of more recent examples of how I have developed courage and self confidence can be read in these blogs:
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/3/29/the-biggest-risk-ever.html
http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/display/ShowJournal?moduleId=1048126&categoryId=90951
My writing has also had a very positive impact on how I perceive legitimacy in different career pursuits. The more open I am to listening to myself the more I can read my mind.
October 7th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Liara,
What an excellent adventure! You seem to live a very romantic life. What a powerful statement you made that deserves repeating - “The more open I am to listening to myself the more I can read my mind.”
October 7th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Thanks for sharing that with everyone Jenni! And yup, I stand by what I’ve said; No way are you stupid, not by any definition of the word.
October 8th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Jenny,
I am delighted to see how my meme on Courage has sparked such great conversation.
Bravo to all the courage you all have clamed!
Warmly,
Lorraine
October 8th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Your description of this courageous endeavor is wonderful. The depth of your thoughts and ideas has always been amazing to me and I’m so grateful for getting insight into your lifelong journey. Thank you. Jo
October 8th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Thanks Pippa, appreciate your kind words.
Wow Liara you are one bold woman! Beautiful story
Thanks my wonderful friend Mark who is the only person in this world who manages to sneak by with adding an “i” to the end of my name…
Oh Jo, thank you so much for both reading and your comment! What you say means so much to me. I really appreciate it. You’ll soon be getting a proper thank you but the lovely package in the mail was much appreciated
I’m only into the first chapter but he has quite a sense of humor and his descriptions bring the adventure to life.
October 8th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Thanks for the tag!
Much like yourself, I find that blogging is a good exercise for finding your courage. It also serves as a potent reminder to practice what you preach
Thank you for sharing this important look into how you forge ahead. I’ll have my response up tomorrow.
October 9th, 2007 at 12:11 am
I was thinking how great it is that you have discovered you can build up different kinds of courage in different areas of your life. You may also find that becoming braver in one area of your life will carry over to others.
October 9th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I’m it! This is what happens when you don’t read your rss. I had no idea you gals tagged me. Well chop chop…thanks it’s something I need to write about.
October 9th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Great Pamir! Very excited to see what you come up with.
October 9th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I’m going to come back & read all the comments, but I had to complete the task given
.
Here it is:
Soul Bravery
October 10th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
[…] everyone what gives us courage. I first encountered Lorraine’s request when Jenny wrote about the bravest thing she’s done, and I was glad that Jenny didn’t tag me because, as Lorraine mentioned is common, I […]
October 14th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Jenny -
It is always a scary and difficult process to open up and share those personal tidbits about ourselves that no one else really knows, especially when those things can make those around lose faith in us or think that we are weird. So congratulations on all of your personal growth thus far and best of luck for its continuation in the future. And I agree with what Liara said it would be interesting if you have noticed that this development has spread to other aspects of your life? Please let us know.
October 17th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Jon,
Not sure if the blog gave me the courage to let down walls personally (and in all honesty first w/ myself) or vice-versa but I’m glad either way.
Hey thanks for the kind words! To both you and Liara, yes I have noticed changes in many areas of my life but I think the biggest change has been a feeling of peace or calm. In addition to what I wrote above I’ve also shared some things that have been my “dark secrets” for years and found the world didn’t cave in and that I was still cared about and combining those two things has been transformative.
I think it’s worth the pain and work it takes to show yourself (first to you, than others). Let me know how you’re doing!
Personal Note to Jon: It was great getting to see you and spend a little time talking! I had heard much about you particularly from a certain 6-yr old who loves you dearly and now I can see why. Congratulations again, I’m very impressed with what you’ve accomplished, you should be proud and I’m interested to see how things unfold for you. BUT stay away from those sharks, you hear me??
October 27th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
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October 28th, 2008 at 8:01 am
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