Jenny and Erin

I have a confession to make. Not a big, earth shattering confession, but a confession none-the-less. The true reason I started reading Stephen Covey had nothing, not a single solitary thing, to do with personal development. No, it was all because I was interested in character development - I’m not talking about the development of my character - but the development of fictional characters. I’ve been re-reading the campy Travis McGee series by John D. MacDonald and have been awed by his ability to write characters that flow in and out of the series as comfortable as old friends. I got my first glimpse of just how MacDonald might bring his characters so alive that their growth and foibles seem sincere, often inevitable, while thumbing through Covey‘s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

I was intrigued by Covey’s description of people’s personal Centers and imagined the concept an excellent way to understand characters in my head, especially their motivations, internal conflicts and ultimately their actions. I decided to see if this theory held true, so I tested it on myself. “Ouch!” The truth was blinding. He’s had me in his grasp ever since. I haven’t been able to pull myself away instead looking deeper and finding his book a treasure. I have in fact learned a whole lot about character development, funny though, despite my intentions it’s been primarily about mine…

What are Centers?

Stephen Covey’s concept of Centers are fairly interchangeable with mental maps , filters and so forth. Each of us has a Center, or more often a combination of several Centers, through which we view and experience the world. Centers lie at the core of our identity and are a driver of our choices, where we find security and guidance as well as influence how we relate to and view ourselves, family, friends and even our jobs. In short, our Centers provide a base for the majority of our day-to-day decisions, actions and beliefs. They are also sources of our greatest strengths or most damaging weaknesses.

Since I tend to view the world as one big unfolding fairytale (or murder mystery or sci-fi novel depending upon the day) this is precisely where we are heading - back to a childhood staple - the story of Cinderella. Through understanding Cinderella and her Center(s) we can learn how to find the clues to our Centers that drive so much of our lives.

Cinderella, A Pleasure Centered Gal

Once upon a time, there was a lovely lady, dealt a very unfair hand by fate. Cinderella had everything, looks, smarts and a devoted Father who gave her, well, just about anything her heart desired. Unfortunately, he died and without anywhere else to go she found herself living with her quite overbearing Stepmother and equally unpleasant Stepsisters. Her status in the house was reduced to that of a poorly fed servant, clothed in rags and responsible for all of the cleaning and household chores.

Hmmm, Cinderella’s description of her life presents a bit of a problem as Stephen Covey doesn’t appear to have a Center for victims. However, he does explain that taken to extremes, any Center can leave you feeling like a victim. Well, this description does give us some clues to follow. Cinderella doesn’t complain about not having a successful job, lack of true love or a beautiful new carriage. Nope, Cinderella complains about not having any excitement, never going on social calls and having very few friends, except a few mice and birds. She does try to reach through the self-pity to create a little fun in her self-described sad and pathetic life. She sings, make believes and tries her very best to pretend her reality is entirely different from what it is. Yep, sounds rather like the unfortunate consequences of someone living from a strictly pleasure orientated center, wouldn’t you say?

Oh, a party?!?

One day in the midst of this very dreary existence an invitation arrived announcing a big party! Everyone was invited! Oh, of course Cinderella wanted to go and soon the ball was all she could think of. After a great deal of pleading her Stepmother saw how relentless Cinderella was going to be and agreed to let her attend if she finished all her chores first. Seriously, Cinderella wondered, how mean could someone be? She was already at a disadvantage because she didn’t have nice party clothes, but then to have to do chores first as well?!? Besides, do you know how much time getting ready for a party can take… Work always gets in the way of fun, doesn’t it?

Poor Cinderella! Held Back by Obligations

Skip ahead and the day of the party has arrived and Cinderella is finished with her chores; however she is devastated to find that her Stepmother has “rigged things” so she still will not be able to attend the ball. Cinderella is devastated. While I am certain Cinderella did complete her tasks, one must wonder how well they were really done, as cleaning up after others just isn’t much fun, especially when distracted by thoughts of a party! Many things can become barriers to achieving fun when your world is centered on pleasure - family, work and rules simply get in the way. Excitement, adventure and laughter are more important to Cinderella than family, keeping her word, saving for the future or even friends (unless, of course, they are part of the fun).

What Great Friends She Has

Cinderella was absolutely brokenhearted (some might say full of self-pity and sulking) about missing the ball. Lucky for her this is a fairytale not real life. Her fairy godmother appears, hooks Cinderella up with a killer dress and a sweet ride (really, how much more dramatic and exciting an entrance could she make than in a horse drawn carriage!?) and asks only one single thing; that Cinderella leave the party by midnight. In the bliss of looking good and heading out the door for a night of fun Cinderella whole-heartedly agrees to oblige.

Oh, Cinderella muses, what a great friend that Fairy Godmother is! Hanging around laughing, chatting, lending her clothes and then letting her head off to enjoy the night on her own - why couldn’t everyone be a bit more like this? Plus she didn’t ask a single, solitary question as to why evil old Stepmother said no in the first place. Why can’t I find more friends like her? This is going to be so much fun! Cinderellas does not stop to think about her family, authority, the chores she has left to complete or anything else, she just is focused on the fun.

The Happiest Girl Alive!

Once at the ball a happier girl could not be found. Not only was she having fun and looking good she was being noticed! They danced and laughed and made goo-goo eyes at one another and nothing much mattered to Cinderella besides this heady feeling - until she heard the clock strike midnight.

Woops! Cinderella‘s entire sense of self was derived from those oh-too-brief moments when she was on a pleasure “high“. When you are feeling this way, nothing else much matters, even promises you have made. In fact, Cinderella had completely forgotten her promise to leave the party BEFORE midnight - until she heard the clock strike midnight. Even as she ran, her thoughts were filled with the fun she had had. Hmmm…what did Covey say about consequences again? Good and bad? Well, we’ll soon see.

Who Are You?

Thankfully, Covey identifies many of the common Centers people operate under and gives “clues” to help identify which Center(s) might be driving you. This will make much more sense if you click on at least one of the links and read it through… They include:

Spouse
Family
Work
Possession
Pleasure
Friend
Enemy
Self

Did you recognize yourself or people around you in any of these centers? I did. Erin did too. It’s important to remember that each center is linked to consequences (some good, some bad) and although the exact consequences can’t be determined ahead of time we usually can get a pretty good idea once we understand enough about the center. Funny enough, it doesn’t seem to much matter whether or not our centers ultimately help or hinder us. Either way they just seem to feel “right” or natural. This natural feeling associated with your center is why it is easy to go through life unaware of why you act the way you do and why the things that just keep happening happen only to you.

Conclusion

You can figure out your own the center the same way we just did with Cinderella - acting as a detective and examining your own life. Look deeply and you’ll be surprised at what you see in both yourself and others. Remember each center has resulting consequences and impacts how we ultimately view the world and others in it. Consequences can be good or bad - they are nothing more and nothing less than the end result of your thoughts, words, actions and deeds. As you grow in awareness of your own center and observe both it and the associated consequences you will gradually be able to shape it as you see fit.

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How to Hold On To Success
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This entry was posted in Stephen Covey's 7 Habits on Monday, October 15th, 2007 by Jenny. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.