Why Isn’t Enough Ever Enough?
Posted in Things I Don't Understand on September 3rd, 2007 by JennyWhy isn’t enough ever enough? Why does it seem no matter how hard you try or how much you improve it feels like it just is not enough? All you can see is how much further there is to go, what has not been done and what you still do not know. You are not alone in this thinking.
The beginning of a big personal change is exhilarating. You set out, into the unknown with nothing but promise ahead. The end of a goal is exciting too, getting to look at how far you have come and seeing how close the end is. But, what about the middle? What about that spot where everything seems so far away? The gap between what you wish to be and what you are. It is in this void that it is common to begin to feel hopeless.
Most people know objectively when they are in the middle they have grown or changed, but it is tough to believe at times. Sometimes it does not feel like you are making progress and all you feel is confusion. You may become frustrated by all of the wasted opportunities and lost moments, confused by new norms and people and completely out of place, no longer sure where you fit. Sometimes this can strike at unexpected times, in the middle of a meeting or late at night. The new becomes especially scary; it is not comfortable yet, nor predictable and definitely has not proven its love to you. The new can leave you breathless, uncertain and confused. You may feel alive, but left wondering why alive is so scary.
Unfortunately there is no peace. You can not return to the old you because who you were no longer exists. Your thoughts from then are foreign and misguided. You can no longer relate to those old doubts and your old way of being. You try to remember why things were so hard and the knowledge eludes you.
Perhaps this is a good thing. Maybe this means you are living right. This may be a sign you have begun to slowly embrace the life you have always dreamed and are becoming who you want to be. People and things that do not fit are slowly falling away, while new people and things will slowly begin to appear. But still you are neither here nor there. Instead you are stuck somewhere in the middle, on a journey that does not proceed directly from point A to B. Uncomfortable as it is this is the very core of personal growth. Take heart, this time in the middle will pass and only later will you be able to see that even there you were still traveling.
September 3rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
I think it is a good thing. Mainly because of the idea that uncertainty enables growth.
In a clear case of the grass being greener, I’m a little jealous of those who do experience such significant change. It provides a clear marker of growth, whereas I find it very difficult to pin-point any moments or times of personal change. And it’s often said that tracking your progress is a great motivational tool. Acknowledging your successes, which in this case are the movements towards your goal.
Though I have experienced similar feelings, most clearly when I take up a new physical activity. In the beginning I’m excited, finding it challenging but enjoyable, and seeing myself steadily improve. Yet at some point I can acknowledge significant development of new skills, but I can also see that there is so much more to learn. Unfortunately by then the initial excitement is gone, and with it the motivation to continue. I’m yet to overcome that.
September 3rd, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Good post Jenny. The joy is in the journey and all of that good stuff. Ambiguity is difficult. Do we ever really arrive at completed personal growth? I don’t think so. It is good to unhitch from the junk from the past and have a point to which we are headed. I don’t know that we ever really reach “there” if we are self-examining, self-motivated people. There is always the next level of development, the next goal. I think the journey is about becoming authentic people acknowledging where we are emotionally and being okay with that while we journey along making progress towards our personal goals. The one thing we can count on is change and we need to embrace that idea in order to not be disappointed or afraid. From a Christian perspective for me it is about trusting God in the journey.
September 4th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Jenny, I prefer to think of myself being at a point, a destination, no matter where I am. The path itself is the goal, the destination. It’s not a question of point A or point B or somewhere in between. Wherever I am, that’s where I am. Sounds obvious and yet it’s such a profound truth that everyone seems to forget.
I prefer to think of life as a dance. We don’t dance to end up at some arbitrarily selected spot on the dance floor, to reach some goal. We dance for the fun of dancing.
That’s life! Hugs!
September 4th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
That dance analogy is excellent… I totally agree.
The reason you get frustrated and give up, in most situations, is because you start focusing on what you don’t have… you don’t have whatever it is you’re striving toward. If, instead, you focus on what you do have (ie the progress you have made already), your motivation will be strong.
Focus on lack leads to feeling lack… focus on what you do have leads to being aware of what you do have. That’s why I mostly set a direction to move more than a specific goal… although specific goals do have the motivational power of being measurable, thus providing feedback that you do have your progress toward it.
Focus on the destination means focusing on what you don’t have, focusing on the journey means focusing on what you do have.
September 4th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Ah, you all have brilliant thoughts on this!
I feel so lucky sometimes and today is one of them as I couldn’t imagine kinder, more thoughtful people to talk with. Thanks!!
September 5th, 2007 at 3:52 am
Jenny and Erin
You’ve been tagged for the “Does Most Leadership Suck Challenge”. Check the link for details.
Take care…
JWM
September 5th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Hey Jenny,
What you have described is very common, in fact everyone who have ever set a goal would encounter this problem. Which is why I created The Ladder of Dream to address this issue (it was intended for myself originally).
The key is to break your goal into smaller, manageable ones that accumulates into your final goal. So each step leads to somewhere and you will never be left stranded. Oh, and it is important to keep celebrating each little success and be grateful for it
Here’s my original post in June talking about The Ladder of Dreams:
http://secretofunlimitedprosperity.com/58/9-secret-steps-to-life-transformation-the-ladder-of-dreams/
Cheers
James
PS: Gave you some stumble love to share this great question.
September 6th, 2007 at 8:46 am
James,
Thank you so much for the stumble!
I clicked on your post this morning and started reading but realized that I have to head out the door and want to give it the time it deserves as it is very well thought out. I’ll give it a read this evening and let you know what I think. I imagine it will be helpful though as I’m prone to seeing big picture and have a difficult time breaking goals into smaller pieces as they don’t feel powerful enough.
September 8th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Jenny,
this is a great article! Take care…
September 8th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Thanks Vernon!