Jenny and Erin

It strikes me as strange in the search for life’s answers many of us look so far away - to books, mythical figures or so-called gurus we have never met - when often the answers are closer than we think. While reflecting on the people who have impacted my life one voice stands out. This person impacted me so deeply that I still think of him weekly, despite more than a decade passing since we last spoke. My understanding of how truly wise and special he was grows each year and I am grateful I knew him, if only for too short a time.

Calvin and I met in college and soon realized we shared many things, including a ridiculous and often inappropriate sense of humor, a love of music, the desire to understand life and a passion for big, dramatic experiences. Unlike me, Calvin was an incredibly organized student and attended school on a full scholarship. He was the first person in his family with the opportunity to pursue a secondary education and carried that weight with every decision he made. He grew up on a reservation in rural North Dakota in conditions that rivaled a developing country - so poor that his home did not have indoor plumbing until his late teens. Poverty was a fact of life and an ever present reality.

Calvin never really fit in and I loved him for that – he never dressed quite right, wearing second hand clothes long before it was cool, never said the “right” thing at the right time, his mind knew no limits and he was not politically correct about anything particularly his heritage or mine. He was flawed, as was I, but in his company it did not matter. He said it is our flaws that allow us to sparkle in beauty when we see and care for them. Experience tells me Calvin was right.

Before Calvin I thought some people just accomplished things easily and for the rest of us achievement was possible but much harder. He showed me this was not the case. Calvin had so many things to overcome to stand at the same place in life I was born into to. Calvin worked harder than anyone I have ever met and his seemingly easy brilliance did not come without sacrifice. He was so driven and directed towards his dreams that even when circumstances around him crumbled he would get back up and start again without more than a momentary complaint. He had an unshakable belief in himself and a willingness to truly live. The funny thing about Calvin was he didn’t only believe in himself, he believed in the people he cared about. He just so expected you to succeed that you actually ended up believing him.

Calvin’s sincere belief in himself came from his willingness to look at the darkest parts of his life. He was very brave that way. He was honest nearly to a fault. Calvin never apologized for who he was or mistakes he made, he only apologized if he hurt you. Nothing was sacred to him - anything could and would be asked, any joke could be made and anything or anyone around him questioned. Oh, and he was a crappy driver, a really crappy driver!

Calvin’s very life was a lesson to be observed and learned. He exposed me to authentic beauty and through him I learned what attractiveness really is. He taught me that life isn’t fair, but fair or not your only choice is to live it and if you’re smart to embrace it. I learned through example how to be gentle with others and look beneath the surface as we are all a little scarred and fragile deep down - even the strongest of us all.

Being his friend and watching him taught me many, many things:

• That you don’t have to be perfect (or even anywhere close) to have a meaningful life;
• That time is short, when we met his life was nearly over and I‘m left to wonder how I would of acted if I had know there wasn’t all the time in the world;
• To treat the people I love with gratitude;
• That our flaws are often the sources of our greatest beauty;
• Truly living entails passion, and;
• That you can’t touch your dreams without trying. And I mean really trying.

The day his fondest dream was realized (a developmental deal with a small but prestigious record label) I was standing next to him - and at that moment I experienced a combination of admiration and respect that felt boundless. Within a month of realizing his dream and while whole-heartedly living it he was killed in a car accident while driving home late at night. Sadly we had been arguing. My biggest lessons I saved for last - leaving things unsaid or undone is a horrible feeling as you don’t get those chances back. Thankfully time has taught me that in the end words spoken in anger or undone deeds don’t define an entire relationship as every relationship is bigger than a single moment or careless cruelty.

Do you have someone in your life who has influenced you, made you better or taught you about love? If they are still around for you to tell them consider yourself blessed and I urge you to stop whatever you are doing and do it. Time isn’t ours, ultimately we only have the moments…

This entry was posted in Miscellaneous on Wednesday, September 5th, 2007 by Jenny. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.