Keeping Perspective When You’ve Bitten Off More Than You Can Chew
Posted in Personal Development on August 20th, 2007 by JennyWhen you are living life - challenging and stretching, sometimes so much you scare yourself - the day will come when you find you have hit a limit. It is guaranteed to happen. However, that overwhelming, stomach sinking feeling is okay. It happens to the best of us. All this means is that you have found your current limits (congratulations), and if handled correctly, you can push up against them and further expand your range.
Unfortunately, this is not always easy. The day you bang against a limitation hurts. How you handle the realization that you bit off a wee bit more than you can chew is what determines whether you go on to success or failure. I have hit my limits a lot of times. Early on this nearly always led me to stop. I gave up without realizing that it is in this uncomfortable near-failure space that growth happens. This is no longer the case and hasn’t been for some time.
I was talking with Erin about my tendencies to find the “smash into wall” feeling every few months, and how I work through these limits. She gently pointed out to me that I find my limits much more often than the rest of the population. Being as this conversation occurred in the midst of one of my limit finding realizations that included her, I do not think this was a compliment. Regardless, the lessons I have learned in dealing with these walls may be helpful as you run into your own limits in life:
- Big dreams take preparation and shortcuts are an illusion. The things worth having take time to acquire. If you want to write a bestselling book you must begin by writing. If you want to lose weight you need to exercise and eat right. The better you understand what you want and plan appropriately, the easier your path will be.
- Having more than one life changing goals competing for your time and focus increases the likelihood of disaster exponentially. Although this may seem pretty self-explanatory, it never has been for me… The more areas in which you are seeking to stretch your limit, the more uncomfortable you will be. When you hit a limit you will not necessarily be able to identify which goal the limit is linked to, trust me it’s funny that way.
- Others are watching you and their reactions are based upon how you handle yourself. If you quit believing in yourself or that which you lust after, it is likely those around you will do the same. All to rare is the encouraging voice when things start heading south.
- It is scary chasing after what you dream of. Fear is often accompanied by complaints, excuses and every form of self-doubt imaginable. Get used to it - regardless of their magnitude - they stick around. The more experience you have the less a impact fear has, but it never goes away.
- In order to succeed your planning cannot be based upon best case scenarios! Some people feel it is enough to consider worse case scenarios in making your plan, I argue that you might as well make your absolute worst case scenario the plan. When things start falling apart do not be scared to change your parameters, adjust your time lines or revise your vision. Basically do whatever it takes.
I have learned, grown and stretched my limits. When I look back at my old limits they surprise me because they seem so small. What you do not see if you have never climbed over, under or around your limits is the hard earned view from the other side. It is beautiful.
Related Posts:
At Your Mercy
How to Live a Miserable, Failure Ridden Life
The Importance of Awareness and Acceptance, guest post by Mark Lapierre
You Will Self Destruct in 5…4…3…
August 20th, 2007 at 11:20 am
I think the flexibility part you mentioned in your last item is actually one of the most important. If you can’t adapt your plans to circumstances, you’ll have a hard time reaching your goals, as circumstances always change.
Also, don’t forget that hitting that limit can be a chance to pause, gather your focus, and review to see if you still really want that goal, or whether you’re just heading toward it out of inertia. Many people keep goals that they don’t even want any more because they don’t take the time to review them, or because they don’t want to be “quitters”. That’s silly… it’s much more practical to review your goals regularly and see if, after all the changes you’ve made, those are still the goals you want to head toward. If they are, go for it. If not, choose new goals, and turn your path toward them instead. Just because you set a goal at some point doesn’t mean that you have to struggle on toward it after it has lost relevance.
August 21st, 2007 at 7:54 am
Great point Jason. The difficult part of reviewing goals is making sure you are evaluating them when you are calm and can think clearly, rather than in a state of panic. But yes, determining if they are worth continuing to go after is key.
Jenny, I don’t agree that planning should be based on worse case scenarios. Then everything turns into doom and gloom. What if you are just aware that the worse case scenarios can happen and being prepared and flexible if they do, but not basing all of your planning around them?
August 21st, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Jason,
I absolutely agree with your thoughts regarding the importance of flexibility.
I don’t tend to get invested in things unless I really care or think they’ll be tranformative in some manner so I haven’t really experienced losing interest in a goal that I can think of offhand. Even when I’ve found them uncomfortable or think they suck I’m intrigued by how they are changing me so remain invested for that reason. That said I have quit goals despite my ongoing interest but it’s pretty rare, more often I have to adjust the parameters (particularly timelines!).
Yes, Erin. I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on planning.
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:55 am
I have to agree with Erin on this one… basing all of your planning around the worst case scenario leads to achieving less than you can, because you’re always concentrated on the worst possible case, instead of always looking for the best opportunities.
Then again, my planning is generally just open infrastructure… I don’t generally go into details, because I like to be open to choose a new and better path to where I’m going.
August 22nd, 2007 at 7:52 pm
I agree with Erin and Jason. Worst case scenario planning is highly demotivational. Being aware of the worst case is important, and having contingencies in place to deal with them is advised, but planning with it in mind, if it’s not the most likely scenario, is not all that effective.
My general planning is like Jason’s, fairly open. But when I was leading a team of software developers at my last job I had to be far more structured. I hated it but it did teach me a bit, which I have used at other times when it was necessary to plan things involving other people (my last overseas holiday with friends, for example).
August 22nd, 2007 at 9:30 pm
Erin, Jason & Mark,
Yeah, I re-read what I said regarding worst case planning and you all are right. I guess I was really writing to myself there as my worst case planning (even when I’m trying to plan for worst case) is others best case.
Thanks for sending me back for another look.
August 22nd, 2007 at 9:40 pm
PS. And this is problematic because I’m often planning for many others in addition to myself and that makes their lives unnecessarily frustrating. I do try really hard to get input when setting up timelines and such, just can be a bit of a bulldozer when I’m excited about something.
August 23rd, 2007 at 10:16 am
Mark - I know what you mean about planning for others. It can drive me nuts when I have to write a plan to the smallest detail because otherwise the people working with me get lost. Any time I am choosing who to hire, their ability to work independently (ie I point them in the direction I want them to go, give them targets, and let them do their thing) is one of the highest priorities.
September 10th, 2007 at 7:42 am
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