Challenging Our Mental Maps
Posted in Personal Development on August 3rd, 2007 by JennyHow can two people, of equally good intent, see or experience the exact same thing, and yet come to completely different conclusions about it? Is it possible to bridge this gap in perception to find truth? If so, how?
People perceive the same experience differently because we operate under the influence of a mental map. A mental map is the way we view the world, comprised of a lifetimes worth of experiences, perceptions, interpretations and understandings. This map leads us to make many assumptions about the world, correct and incorrect. Unfortunately our mental maps often collide with reality or the “way things are” as well as other people’s own unique set of perceptions about “what’ right” or the “way it should be”.
We are so deeply identified with our own mental map that it is easy to assume that our view of what’s right and what’s wrong is the truth. We seldom question these assumptions, mostly because we are unaware of their existence. However, in actuality our mental maps influence all that we say, think and even do. The funny thing is, it is rare to meet a person who does not believe the exact opposite - that they, and they alone, are actually able to see the world objectively. When others disagree, they assume there is something wrong with the other person’s thinking, not their own.
These underlying, often unconscious assumptions are quite problematic when trying to communicate with one another. Particularly when faced with a situation in which we find ourselves at odds with someone over two different interpretations of the exact same experience or event. What does one do when this happens? Typically debates ensue, in which who is right and who is wrong is heatedly argued. Rarely does either party stop and question their own accuracy or interpretation. Their search for answers becomes nothing but a fool’s quest, no true answers will be found in this manner.
What can they do to overcome these differences of belief? The first step, and I believe the hardest, is to assume an attitude of open inquiry and a willingness to question one’s own beliefs. The second, and of nearly equal importance, is to agree to a calm and respectful conversation to examine the topic with an assumption of good will on behalf of the other party. It is through a slow examination of specific details that some common ground can be found in the form of facts agreed upon by both parties.
One would assume that the identification of one or more facts regarding the event would lead to an agreement on behalf of both parties as to what is real. Ah, not necessarily. The conscious and unconscious beliefs comprising our view of the world are powerful. Each of us already experience the world differently, so it is not a stretch to imagine that these two people could also see the facts differently. Facts alone aren’t enough.
Really, the only solution I can come up with, the only way to truth is to grow in the awareness of our own mental maps. We must work with these maps to accept responsibility for them, examine them, test them, to see just how far they will stretch. We must be willing to open ourselves up completely to the words and views of others and to any objective facts available to us. Only through a willingness to examine and compare both the known facts of an experience and our deeply held beliefs about them can we seek the truth and have the ability to bridge others perceptions. For after I can see mine, I can see yours. Once I have found the way to understand myself I can give you a hand in the quest to find yourself.
PS. This post is for Jason who touched a nerve in a comment, eloquently stood his ground and started me to thinking…
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Thanks for the post. The conversation was rather interesting. Learning your map(s) is one of the best things you can do. If you want to get your feet wet without turning your world upside down, try learning a new language. You’ll learn real fast how different the maps can be.
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Hey John,
Yep, it has also been my experience that learning a new language really does demonstrate just how different one’s internal maps can be (and how different they are from culture to culture).
It is funny how unaware I can be of my deepest thoughts and beliefs, and kind of scary! Oh, well I’m working on it and guess my pace is fast enough if only because every time I try to go faster I really get stuck…
I’ve been fortunate though that I’ve managed at different points in my life to find people who were open to engaging in calm, rationale dialogues as that’s the easiest way for me to catch when I’m not thinking just reacting.
August 4th, 2007 at 1:52 am
Actually, to me, the first step is to see others as actually, truly being equal to you. You’ll have a hard time being open to someone else’s beliefs if you do not believe they are equal to you. If they are of less value than you, then it follow that their beliefs are of less value, as well.
On the other hand, I think you are correct about the first thing becoming aware of your mental map, or as I called it, your mental filters (I’d link to my article, but I’m not sure if you’d consider that rude). If you are not aware of them, how can you know if you want to change them?
Also, they (filters/biases/whatever) lose a very large portion of their power to affect you, and very nearly all power to do so without your knowledge, as soon as you become aware they exist.
August 4th, 2007 at 1:54 am
Oh, and as I meant to say, but forgot, thank you for the compliment. The whole point of my writing is to do that… to make someone start thinking, and perhaps help someone to grow closer to the person they choose to be.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Jason,
Nah, go ahead and link to your stuff all you want particularly if it’s pertinent.
I overlooked seeing others as being equal to oneself but that is a good pt.
Filters/maps, whatever sure are mighty hard to see until the second you do and than wham you suddenly realize the huge impact they’ve had on your life. It shall be interesting to observe how much things change as I slowly become aware of more and more of them.
August 4th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
This posting is a great point of departure. I don’t sense that any two people ever share exactly the same experience, although similar conclusions may be drawn. We each have our own sensory receptors, intuition, and perception. We may agree, disagree or agree-to- disagree, but how we arrive at our conclusions could differ greatly.
August 4th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
I like to treat everyone as a teacher. I have something to learn from everyone with whom I interact. It’s worked very well for me. In the past, I thought I had all the answers and could learn from no one. Man, life really sucked back then.
August 4th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
Hey Liara -
Anyhow all of these men were standing around an elephant and touching different parts of it; one was grabbing a leg (and thought it was a pillar), another was grabbing an ear (and thought it was a fan) and one a tusk (and thought it was a plow).
I love reading your comments. I’m not so sure it’s such a great departure as my inspiration was a Buddhist parable about a bunch of blind men and an elephant
As they tried to describe just what it was they were touching they got in a big old debate (read arguement) regarding who was an “authority” and who wasn’t, about different theories of just what they were touching and even each others opinions. Soon it was an all out fistfight but really they were all arguing over different aspects of the same thing - the elephant.
It just struck me as funny as it seemed that was pretty similar to what I was doing…
That and Mark really has had an impact upon my thinking for the positive I believe. I respect his ability to look and discuss all different types of knowledge and wisdom and the way he really and truly thinks things through rather than acting on his first impression or belief. I aspire to that myself.
You said: “We may agree, disagree or agree-to- disagree, but how we arrive at our conclusions could differ greatly.” Yes, I think the same but I do wonder how much better the conversations would go (and how much more I could learn) by being willing to fully examine one another’s pts of view and looking for (and hey we might not find) facts which would give us common ground and help direct our conversations.
Yikes, I made this response really, really loooong. Sorry!
Hi Dan,
Throw me a rope as I seem to be struggling right now and will be really happy when I can say “life really sucked back then”.
August 5th, 2007 at 2:15 am
Okay, so since you don’t mind my links (and yes, I’ll make sure they are pertinent), I have two for you… one in response to the article, and the second to the “arrive at our conclusions differently” comment.
So first the one for the article:
Learn To See Your Own Rose-Colored Glasses
And now the one for the comment (look particularly at the beginning, about the bottle):
How Love Works - Separating Who From What
Hope you find them useful. As for a rope, I have plenty of tools to help you if you’re struggling… feel free to contact me as to what in particular is making you struggle, and I’ll do my best to help. Part of my purpose in life is to help people heal (My name means “healer”), so if I can help, I will actually literally be happy to do so.
August 5th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Jason, careful what you offer - I may be sending Jenny over to you real soon! She’s a lot to juggle! Ha ha ha.
August 5th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Jason,
Thank you for your lovely offer. If I ever truly do need assistance I would certainly take you up on it.
Hah, hah! So Erin, you’re thinking of sending me away? Oh, you’d be so lonely I may be a handful but - admit it - I’m mighty fun to have around.
August 5th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Well, my advice is free and worth every penny! And I’m also a good listener, or so I’m told.
August 5th, 2007 at 10:34 pm
Jenny, I think your mental map depicts me as better than I truly am… Mind you, my mental map paints the opposite picture :p
August 6th, 2007 at 1:26 am
I share Dan’s view that perceiving everything as a teacher can be very beneficial. I apprectiae Jenny’s long reply and could’n't help but begin to imagine a scenario with “pin the tail on the donkey.” Even as you reflect on the Buddhist parable, you can pin that tail with or without “peeking.” Jason’s hyperlink contributions to this thread are great. I agree that its worth intangible value.
August 6th, 2007 at 4:38 am
Jason-
I absolutely love your post How Love Works! Very insightful, the last two paragraphs really grabbed my attention and pointed to a concept of unconditional love that I could support.
Thank you for including those links, they were more than relevant.
August 7th, 2007 at 9:30 am
Thank you for the compliments. I try to make sure that everything is relevant (I have no desire to just put up random links to my website… even if it generated traffic, what difference does it make if it’s not useful? I’m not writing to generate traffic, but to help people.), whether comments or links.
By the way, I really like your stuff. It causes me to think, and to comment, and that helps keep my brain from turning to mush.
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