Jenny and Erin

Have you ever groaned watching someone on a reality show self destruct? Or cheered on a contestant surmounting seemingly impossible obstacles? Well, so have I. As I re-read Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, it hit me that many of the causes of the contestant’s struggles and victories are explained in the pages of his book. Interestingly, the contestants who incorporate Covey’s concepts are the winners. Sometimes they’re not the grand prize winners, but they are the ones who win our hearts. They are the contestants whose actions continue to inspire us after their season ends.

The first of Covey’s seven habits is living proactively. One of the most important aspects to a proactive life is understanding what you can and can’t control. Just like Monday’s post, How to Hold On To Success, I’m going to use more straight-forward terms to describe the concepts and use a story – this time the reality show The Amazing Race – to explain them. Even though I’m going to be talking about a reality show, keep in mind that this applies to you, only bigger, because after all your life matters more than any old TV show!

The Amazing Race (shown in the U.S.) is a reality show based on a competition to see which team of two individuals can follow clues and complete challenges the fastest while traveling around the world. The losers every week get sent home and the season winners receive one million dollars. Many of the factors that go into winning the race are the same as winning in life, such as limited money, tough time constraints and a partner who either brings you up or drags you down. The show, like life, gives the players varying degrees of control over situations, resulting in teams winning a portion of the journey while losing the entire race or vice versa.

Most situations in The Amazing Race fit into one of two categories; (1) factors contestants want to change but can’t (at least directly) and (2) factors they can change. Covey calls the factors contestants want to change but can’t the Circle of Concern. In The Amazing Race this may be a missed airline flight, a tired teammate, or an opposing team with a better geographical knowledge. Covey calls the things the contestants can change the Circle of Influence. This may be a contestant choosing to push through a muscle cramp or quickly overcoming a fear. The contestant’s ultimate success in the game is best predicted by how they respond to both the things they can’t control and those they can.

The teams that get sent home quickly spend a lot of time focusing on the things they can’t control (Circle of Concern). For example, they get a flat tire in a rainstorm. Rather than focusing on fixing the tire, they first spend 10 minutes yelling about why they chose that particular vehicle, then they watch other teams drive past them and finish by arguing over the correct way to change the flat, all the while complaining about how cold and wet they are from the rain. This makes great TV; horrible teams. The more they focus on the things they can’t change (either directly or at all) the less they seem to notice the things they can change (Circle of Influence). They are so busy yelling at each other over the flat tire, they don’t see the cab driver slowing down to try to help. When this team eventually gets sent home, and they always do, it is just as often is for something they could control (how long it took to change the tire) than something they couldn’t (getting a flat tire in a rainstorm), but you could never tell them that!

The more successful contestants spend the bulk of their time on the things they can control (Circle of Influence). They act as if every second is the most important part of the race. Because they are effectively working on the things they can control, more opportunities arise in which it is possible to act indirectly on the things they can’t (Circle of Concern). When these teams meet obstacles they can’t control they accept it fairly quickly and move forward. If they get a flat tire in a rainstorm and all of the other contestants are driving past (Circle of Concern), they fix the flat quickly (Circle of Influence), barely mentioning the rain. In fact, after determining who is best able to fix the tire the other teammate flags down a taxi to ask for directions. It is this ability to let go of both the things they can’t change and their past mistakes that influences their success. The more time they spend focused on what they can control the more successful they become.And when these contestants (as they sometimes do) get sent home by something they couldn’t control they don’t look like losers.When you’ve given 100% and it just doesn’t work it is much easier to live with than when you gave 80% and failed.

To be successful these contestants (and you) must focus on the things they can control – themselves. The more they focus on what they can do the more opportunities they see. Life isn’t treating them differently - both teams got a flat tire in the middle of a rainstorm - but only one team won. They had to choose -were they going to be victims or winners. This choice is what creates success, in reality TV, and in life.

Related Posts:
How to Hold Onto Success
How to Have a Beach Ready Body in Six Months

This entry was posted in Stephen Covey's 7 Habits on Saturday, April 21st, 2007 by Jenny. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.