Are you on Automatic Pilot?
Posted in Things I Don't Understand on April 4th, 2007 by Erin DietrichSteven Covey writes in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People that “Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits”. He goes on to note how incredibly powerful our personal habits are “…because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness…or ineffectiveness”.
Consider how much of your day is shaped, and dare I say ruled, by habits. Keep in mind not all habits are negative – they extend well past addictions, swearing and nail biting. They may include your morning routine or the route you walk on your lunch break. Think about your habits. How much unrealized power do habits have over you? Are we really living each day, or merely going through a catalogue of habits?
Most habits were developed in childhood or through necessity, and as such often go unacknowledged, such as going to work, brushing your teeth, or paying bills on time. These habits perform critical roles in your life; they keep you on time, help your day function smoothly, and establish expectations.
Many habits go unchallenged, despite their ineffectiveness when it comes to making you happy. In fact, they may actually be undermining your goals and perpetuating false beliefs. Take for example the spouse who just “phones it in” every night with their partner. They ask about the other’s day and answer the obligatory questions, all the while failing to truly communicate. This habit may have been formed through laziness, and continues unquestioned as it appears unimportant on the surface; however not really listening to your mate has the potential to cause pain further down the line.
Is it possible to live without habits, and if so, can living without them be a more meaningful way to live? Imagine if every step was with purpose, if each thought was intentional, and every action meaningful. How would this change you day? Most people immediately respond that it would take more time. However, I argue otherwise. I think if we took out all the habits from our day we would become more time conscious, productive and meaningful.
Take for example the average office worker’s interaction with their administrative staff. From my experience, most individuals walk past their desk in the morning, utter a pleasant good morning, make small talk about the weather, and then move on. What if you broke out of this habit and become more conscious of this interaction? The words may be the same, but the meaning would be subtly different. Soon the conversations may morph into something more meaningful and at a pace you wouldn’t have guessed. Or maybe they would stop all together because as you start to talk to this individual you realize it will never move pass the pleasantries, and therefore is no longer worth the time.
What other habits do you have? Let’s look at the habit of waking up at 5 am every day. Is this truly a habit or a deeper understanding of the rewards that come with rising at this time? I would argue the later, as if the rewards were taken away, there is little incentive for rising at this time. Sure, if you decided to stop getting up this early, your body clock may rebel for a few days, but this is nothing that a few late nights can’t change.
In becoming a better person, I believed that it meant developing new habits. However, I think that it is deeper than this. I believe it involves understanding actions and thoughts at a deeper level to motivate one to perform each task consciously. If we are able to out of living a life through habits life will become more free and meaningful.
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“Habit rules the unreflecting herd”
~William Wordsworth
April 4th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
E -
Good post. Three things really popped out at me as I read.
1. I think you are underestimating habits in a couple of ways; I think they make-up a far larger portion of our “personality” than you seem to and I don’t feel it is possible (except perhaps for a brief time in the transitory state of “enlightment”) to throw off all habits. Indeed I would guess that if this really was possible one would get completely stuck in the tiniest of details that would have to be worked out in order to get out the door in the morning.
2. Even if I could I love a lot of my habits, even some of the “bad” ones and don’t know that it would be worth the energy to me to rethink every single habit and create the “habit” of not having any habits on a daily, even moment to moment basis.
3. Most important though in the post was something that had never really clicked for me before. I think you are right on track with the train of thought that in order for a habit to be worthwhile (or in my mine worth the effort of creating) it has to be meaningful in a deep, personal way. Maybe this is why so many people (myself included, at least in the past tense) have failed at seemingly simple habits like daily exercise. Perhaps I’ve been too surface in my reasons as to why I want to exercise daily- just naming the common surface reasons like to get in better shape, for my health… blah, blah when the truth is deeper and includes things like seeing the sun rise in the morning and/or watching the seasons pass, seeing the first newborn ducks. Well, you get my drift.
April 5th, 2007 at 6:59 am
Jenny-
I agree that it would be nearly impossible to live without habits. However, I think in attempting to do so we become aware of all the habits we actually have and their surprising ability to control us at such a deep level. So, yes realistically it would be very difficult to live without all habits, but I think the challenge can serve as very eye opening.
I entirely agree with you about the importance of understanding the deeper meaning of a habit. So keeping that in mind, let’s think about smokers. I argue that most smokers know and can rattle off all of the health reasons for not smoking. Then why is it that they just can’t change the habit? I acknowledge there’s an addiction level to it, but is there also some sort of denial happening so they keep from knowing this at a deeper level? And through not letting in, it becomes impossible to stop the habit?
April 5th, 2007 at 8:55 am
I’m not sure but off the top of my head I’d have to say maybe the health reasons for not smoking are small (at least in the short term…) to the reasons they started smoking in the first place. No one starts smoking for their health but to relax, to calm down, to get a nicotine buzz, to fit in, and countless other reasons.
Maybe in order to quit (especially if you are fairly young or a person with a serious ability to deny reality & no current pressing health issues) you need a more engaging reason to quit or the circumstances that made you feel like you needed to start have to resolve themselves? This is exactly what I got from your post stated backwards, how funny! Still thinking through the implications though…Thoughts?
April 7th, 2007 at 7:53 am
I think you’re right, and that’s exactly what I was saying in my post. Nice to see you came around…hee hee hee!
April 23rd, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Fantastic post Erin, I’m glad I decided to sift through the archives a little.
I agree that we should be more aware of our habits, and that a good habit is one for which there is a purpose.
However my thinking is similar to Jenny’s; The habits themselves are not the problem, but as you both said, the lack of meaning behind habits. I believe it is possible to have a habit while still being aware of it and its implications for, and effects on, your life.
On the surface it sounds as if you’re advocating trying to completely rid ourselves of our habits, and perform everything with conscious effort. However the deeper meaning I see in what you’ve written is that conscious awareness, not direction is what’s missing from most people’s habitual actions.
Our consciousness is fairly limited. If we focus on the requirements of an action then our ability to pay attention to the feelings that action invokes is limited. Consider learning to dance. At the start you have to think about each step, your limb placement, your body posture. There’s little room for enjoyment of the dance, you’re completely involved in simply trying to move correctly. But as familiarity increases and the movements start to become habitual, more focus can be directed towards the whole experience, the feelings, and the interaction with your partner. You can be consciously aware of all the movements, but not have to focus on actually making them, and thus enjoy them much more!
April 24th, 2007 at 12:58 am
Nice Mark, I think you are really onto something when you distinguish between conscious awareness and direction. That changes the conversation totally. Erin?
April 24th, 2007 at 7:40 am
Mark, your dancing analogy is perfect. So fitting in fact that I thought for a minute it was actually Jenny setting me up (until I called her and asked her if it was her - yep, I sure did!) We had a few good belly laughs - thanks!
I argue habits start from the ground up and we need to be aware of them at least for some time to ensure they are bringing us in the right direction. Let’s stick with the dancing analogy - you learn the footwork first, then the figures and then full dances. You’re right, once you learn a dance you’re no longer thinking about your feet, but rather enjoying your partner and the subtle intricacies of the music. Your dancing changes beautifully, and your partner, you and the music all merge as one.
This being the case, I believe most people are living in a way that they are trying to pull of the dance without actually being aware of what their feet are doing. They have learned the basic steps, not realizing this is what actually shape the bigger picture. I think the only way to resolve this is to stop and take a look at ones feet. What are they doing? How are they impacting the bigger picture in ways one isn’t aware? We may not have to focus on our feet forever, but it’s good to check in once in awhile. Am I still on the balls of my feet? Are they stepping too heavy?
The part that always stops be up is if this is really possible to evaluate all of our habits. And more difficult, sometimes we aren’t even aware that we have the habits because they are so unconscious in nature. How do you evaluate something that you don’t know is there?
Is this where distinguishing between conscious awareness and direction come in?
April 24th, 2007 at 7:50 am
That was the funniest thing EVER, I was laughing so hard I nearly choked!! Oh, and just for the record I have never done anything like that!!
April 24th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Hahaha glad to provide some entertainment for you both
I think we’re on the same page. As you said, Erin, some people learn the steps but then don’t pay attention to how those steps contribute to the dance of life. To see that contribution we can first do as you said, look at our feet. And as we bring more attention to our feet, legs, arms, and our entire body we gradually start to feel when things are right or wrong, without having to stop and look.
Since realising that there is so much of myself and my habits that I wasn’t aware of, I’m constantly noticing new things. So I agree, you can’t evaluate something that you don’t know is there, but a general increased self-awareness allows you to notice all those somethings when they happen.
Btw, your comments RSS feed doesn’t seem to be working, it’s empty.
April 25th, 2007 at 6:30 am
Nicely put. The hardest thing for me with this whole habits thing is seeing the habits - some have been easier to identify, like the way I go straight to the kitchen when I get home, to the more masked ones, such as some of my thought patterns. It’s all a work in progress.
Thanks for the note about our comments RSS feed, it’s on my list for this weekend.
May 6th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Good job on getting the RSS feed going, it works fine!
I notice you’ve got some subscription buttons and a link on your site explaining RSS feeds. I’ve been meaning to do that on my site, I hope you don’t mind if I copy you.
May 7th, 2007 at 7:45 am
Yes, I finally had the time to get the RSS feed fixed and upgraded to wordpress 2.1. There was a little cursing involved, but at least it’s done. Phew!
Of course you can copy our subscribe buttons. I got the idea from another blog too. The plug-in I use is at http://www.semiologic.com/software/subscribe-me/
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September 22nd, 2007 at 4:39 am
In a word, or two: Conscious reflection. If every though was intentional, our mind would be overwhelmed, just think about thinking about breathing. But I agree that examining our habits regularly is a critical component of self-development.