Comments on: A “Starter” Life – Starter Marriages, Rings, Homes & Kids http://jenny-and-erin.com/2007/03/a-%e2%80%9cstarter%e2%80%9d-life-%e2%80%93-starter-marriages-rings-homes-kids/ a tongue-in-cheek quest for understanding... Tue, 06 Jan 2009 06:57:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Jenny http://jenny-and-erin.com/2007/03/a-%e2%80%9cstarter%e2%80%9d-life-%e2%80%93-starter-marriages-rings-homes-kids/#comment-38 Jenny Fri, 30 Mar 2007 13:28:45 +0000 http://jenny-and-erin.com/2007/03/a-%e2%80%9cstarter%e2%80%9d-life-%e2%80%93-starter-marriages-rings-homes-kids/#comment-38 Hey Emily, Yes the sentence you pulled out is said with sarcasm as I also grew up with stepparents and 1/2 siblings and always felt loved and important. That being said I had friends who grew up being pushed aside as they parented their brothers & sisters while one or both parents moved on to a new life. Lately I've seen references to, watched interviews about and even started seeing definitions for starter children and starter families popping up which is very horrifying to me. From what you write and what I've experienced I think we were very lucky to have parents who did value us and made sure we felt it. I'm not convinced this is every child's (or even the majority) experience. Hey Emily,
Yes the sentence you pulled out is said with sarcasm as I also grew up with stepparents and 1/2 siblings and always felt loved and important. That being said I had friends who grew up being pushed aside as they parented their brothers & sisters while one or both parents moved on to a new life.

Lately I’ve seen references to, watched interviews about and even started seeing definitions for starter children and starter families popping up which is very horrifying to me.

From what you write and what I’ve experienced I think we were very lucky to have parents who did value us and made sure we felt it. I’m not convinced this is every child’s (or even the majority) experience.

]]> By: Emily http://jenny-and-erin.com/2007/03/a-%e2%80%9cstarter%e2%80%9d-life-%e2%80%93-starter-marriages-rings-homes-kids/#comment-37 Emily Thu, 29 Mar 2007 00:44:14 +0000 http://jenny-and-erin.com/2007/03/a-%e2%80%9cstarter%e2%80%9d-life-%e2%80%93-starter-marriages-rings-homes-kids/#comment-37 I hope this this is oozing with sarcasm: "What else would you call children of never married or divorced parents, kids who moms and dads marry and remarry, reproduce and start a new family with “their children”?" If not, I greatly resent this notion. True, some people feel this way, but I find it a stretch to label children in this fashion. What about adults who are truly just hoping to find a good partner, and among failed relationships, have only their children as a positive outcome? Having grown up in a family that includes step parents, half siblings, and various "lovers" of my parents, I have never felt like a "starter" child and always loved. Maybe we should blame society for promoting this idea that the nuclear family is the only healthy form a family can take. I think the real struggle a human goes through (yes, even the infallible parent) to find love and companionship is a lesson in itself for a growing child. The lesson is: no matter what personal trek the parent is on, the love for the child never waivers. As for the rest of your thoughts on "starter lives", I agree. Do we really need a training bra for every stage in life? Let's just jump into the under wire of things and do it right the first time. I think we should always aim higher and move towards bigger and better, but let that not diminish the validity of the marriage vow, wedding ring, first house, and family. Take responsibility for things now and don't pawn off it's meaningless value on "starter" labels. If it's not good enough to stand on it's own, should you do it at all? I hope this this is oozing with sarcasm: “What else would you call children of never married or divorced parents, kids who moms and dads marry and remarry, reproduce and start a new family with “their children”?” If not, I greatly resent this notion. True, some people feel this way, but I find it a stretch to label children in this fashion. What about adults who are truly just hoping to find a good partner, and among failed relationships, have only their children as a positive outcome? Having grown up in a family that includes step parents, half siblings, and various “lovers” of my parents, I have never felt like a “starter” child and always loved. Maybe we should blame society for promoting this idea that the nuclear family is the only healthy form a family can take. I think the real struggle a human goes through (yes, even the infallible parent) to find love and companionship is a lesson in itself for a growing child. The lesson is: no matter what personal trek the parent is on, the love for the child never waivers.

As for the rest of your thoughts on “starter lives”, I agree. Do we really need a training bra for every stage in life? Let’s just jump into the under wire of things and do it right the first time. I think we should always aim higher and move towards bigger and better, but let that not diminish the validity of the marriage vow, wedding ring, first house, and family. Take responsibility for things now and don’t pawn off it’s meaningless value on “starter” labels. If it’s not good enough to stand on it’s own, should you do it at all?

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